Naked pictures of Kim Kardashian’s 2007 Playboy photo-shoot have surfaced, and Kardashian is allegedly unhappy. She apparently wants to “put this behind her,” and is embarrassed she did the shoot in the first place. Gee, this sounds awfully familiar. I heard the same speech about her sex tape, which she also regrets, though she’s never publicly admitted she released it. When she discussed the tape, she said it was “humiliating” because she’s actually very “shy.” Here’s what I know about myself. You’d have to pummel me over the head with a heavy object to get me into a room for a naked photo shoot. And, unlike Kardashian, I wouldn’t even call myself “shy.” If you are going to promote yourself with sex and nudity, then own it. Don’t take a fully naked photo-shoot, and then release quotes about what a mistake it was. Take a look at Kardashian’s naked pictures, and let me know if you think she’s “shy.”
If anyone should be making oodles of money off of reality stardom, it’s Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, of Jersey Shore. Almost every other reality star on television cannot even put two sentences together. Contrary to Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, The Housewives of Anywhere, and every cast member of The Real World’s last ten seasons, Mike Sorrentino actually has a personality, and he isn’t evil. Yes, the Jersey Shore folks drink lots of liquor and occasionally get it on with “grenades.” But alcoholism and sexual promiscuity is far more respectable then ripping out hair extensions and rubbing someone’s toothbrush against a shit-filled toilet bowl. So congratulations to The Situation on his five million dollars, and please be sure not to squander your money on excessive GTL.
A friend of mine avidly watches Keeping up With the Kardashians, and I regretfully admit I catch it from time to time. I got an email from her this morning after she engaged in some very serious detective work. On the last episode of Kourney and Khloe Take Miami, Kim Kardashian came home to discover that Scott drank her “amazing” and “expensive” wine. Kourtney denied it, but the bottles were later found on the roof (the shot of the bottles revealed the label). So what was this very expensive wine? Get ready . . . it’s called Oak Creek Merlot and it’s $3 dollars a bottle at CVS. No, that is not a typo. In fact, you can get three bottles for the grand total of $10. So what does this mean, and is this a smoking gun? All signs point to yes. I’m guessing that a producer came up with the idea to have Scott drink Kim’s “very expensive” wine, and then instructed a production assistant to pick up the cheapest wine he could find for the shoot, forgetting not to let the label show on television. Translation? — it’s a prop. If you watch the video below, with the idea that the scene was set-up, you might pick up on the bad acting.
Update: To see a screen-shot of the bottle from the show, click here.
While some might think that Kim Kardashian catapulted to the spotlight from her sex tape, the truth is that Paris Hilton is to blame. The two were best friends, and because the papparazi were constantly photographing Paris, Kim got attention as a bystander. When people started asking about Paris’ sidekick, it was revealed that Kardashian was actually the daughter of OJ Simpson’s lawyer, Robert Kardashian. With the Kardashian name and the Paris friendship, she only needed one more thing to solidify her Hollywood status — a sex tape. To this day, Kim says that the sex tape leaking was “humiliating.” Despite her attestations, I’m convinced she planned the entire thing. Why? Because if you saw her sex tape (yes, I saw it), you might notice how well-lit it is. That’s contrary to Paris Hilton, whose sex tape (yes, I saw that one too) is almost barely visible, indicating that it was never intended for the public to see. When Kim told Howard Stern that she “learned a lot” from Paris, I wonder if she meant, “I learned how to properly light the room for a sex tape.” But a sex tape isn’t the only thing Kim copied. Paris used the media attention to land a reality show, The Simple Life, and immediately became a household name. Like Paris, Kim also landed a reality show, only hers was a shrewder move, given that Kim’s show is not about how incompetent she is. She instantly became more likable, and avoided the media scrutiny that Paris received about being “famous for nothing.” On top of that, she makes uber-bucks off club promoting, which was also Paris’ territory. Paris and Kim no longer speak, and according to Kim, Paris cut her off for reasons she has yet to understand, though she has hinted at Paris’ jealously. My guess? Paris feels used. Sure there’s room for everyone, but Kim bascially carbon-copied Paris’ life.
Kim Kardashian took to twitter to express her outrage about a mother that was breast-feeding her child in public without a cover. Before I explain my position on this controversy, I’d like to give you an example to help illustrate my point. I have a close girlfriend that was a professional dancer her entire life (no – not a stripper). Every time I go to her house, she gets naked for one reason or another. The last time I saw her, she asked me to get to her house an hour before we were set to go dancing, to help her pick out an outfit. What happened next? You guessed it. She got naked and started fishing through her closet. While I was initially shocked by this whole thing, I now understand it. My friend has been getting naked at random moments her entire life for shows. Last minute changes, a million different outfits, etc . . . She’s desensitized. I equate this same syndrome to mothers that breast feed in public without covers. You are so used to whipping the boob out, that you no longer think it could make the people around you uncomfortable. It’s still a boob though. And it still will make people uneasy, especially at a restaurant. There is a way to cover the boob without suffocating the baby, so do it. No one is being insensitive to motherhood by saying so. Furthermore, Kim Kardashian explicitly took issue to the lack of a coverage, and not to the act of breast feeding in public altogether, so just be sure to get the story straight.
Chelsea Handler insisted on her show last night that the sex tape unearthed by Radar Online was merely an “audition tape for a comedy club.” Ummm – I’m not sure what to make of this. The tape was made before she made it, so it’s possible that she wasn’t seasoned enough to understand that it isn’t funny to use an actual sex tape for an audition – it’s a little disturbing. That being said, if Chelsea is lying to save face, I give her mad kudos for coming up with the most creative explanation on the planet for a sex tape. Hear that Kim Kardashian?
It looks like Kim Kardashian’s contract is up on ‘Keeping up With the Kardashians,’ and E! may not want to increase her pay. What does this mean? It means both sides are releasing statements in the press about how one doesn’t need the other. Kim’s people said that she no longer needs to open up her personal life for the cameras, and E! has said that as long as they have Khloe and Kourtney, that is all they need. Apparently, Kim is exploring “bigger offers” anyways. Does anyone ever move from a reality show into a bigger and better world? Oh wait . . . there is ‘The Price of Beauty’ with Jessica Simpson.
To think that I once thought reality television was a fad. Keeping up With the Kardashians is pulling huge numbers, and it is setting cable records. So how can this be? I’m guessing it has something to do with the family being an upper class train wreck. Here’s the rundown: oldest daughter, Kourtney Kardashian, gets “accidentally” pregnant with a D-bag’s baby; middle daughter, Kim Kardashian elopes, divorces, and then has a sex tape with the grossest guy ever; and youngest daughter, Khloe Kardashian, marries a guy after knowing him three weeks. I love every second of it!!