Steven Soderbergh announced that he’ll likely quit the film industry, saying, “it’s time.” “When you reach the point where you’re like if I have to get into a van to do another scout I’m just going to shoot myself, it’s time to let somebody else who’s still excited about getting in the van, get in the van.” Can somebody please explain to me when successful people got so damn lazy? First Billy Joel refuses to write new music, and then Phil Collins announces his retirement. Doesn’t Steven Soderbergh have more work to do? How many successful films did Steven Spielberg churn out before he got lazy? Oh yeah — he’s still working. I guess Spielberg likes his van.
Category: General
Simon Cowell on Elton John — “Take Your Money and Help Upcoming Musicians”
Simon Cowell doesn’t only pick on the little guy — he takes on giants too. In response to Elton John’s comments about X-Factor “hurting the music industry,” Cowell said, “This is somebody who charges what, a million dollars a private gig? Two million dollars, you know? . . . I tell you what, you just made a million dollars off your last private gig. Go and give it to a bunch of young musicians you care about, put them in the studio. Go and nurture them. Go and spend some time looking after them. Then I’ll buy your argument.” Good point, Simon. I’m sick and tired of music titans insulting the current state of the industry and doing nothing about it. Did I mention that I had a recent dream that I made out with Simon Cowell? He was a very good kisser.
Aaron Eckhart Tells Women’s Health Magazine He Likes an “Active” Woman — We’re Not Soul-Mates
Aaron Eckhart recently interviewed with Women’s Health Magazine to promote his new film, Battle: Los Angeles, and he told the magazine about his ideal woman, saying, “I love women who will play tennis with me, cycle with me, ski, snowboard, surf… any of it. A woman who takes care of herself turns me on.” Just when I thought that a Jew and a Mormon could live happily ever after, my dreams were destroyed. Aaron’s disclosure reminds me of the time I got asked out on a date by an “active” guy. When he asked if I like mountain biking, I said, “of course.” I’m not quite sure what tipped him off to my lie. Perhaps it was when I couldn’t get over a hill and fell off the bike into a pile of mud. Though I still fancy myself “athletic,” something tells me Aaron Eckhart won’t be playing tennis with me anytime soon.
The Paley Center — Hot in Cleveland — Recap
I was lucky enough to get invited to the Hot in Cleveland panel at The Paley Center. The panel included: Betty White; Valerie Bertinelli; Wendie Malick; Jane Leeves; and series creator Suzanne Martin. This was probably the best event I’ve ever been invited to since moving to Los Angeles. First, it was incredible to see Betty White’s improvisational comedic brilliance in action. I’ve seen her execute this unique talent on various talk-shows, but seeing it in person will be forever etched in my memory. White discussed how she only planned to star in the Hot in Cleveland pilot, because her intense work schedule didn’t allow her time for the series. Because she “has the backbone of a jelly-fish,” as White put it, she relented after much coddling from the studio. When an audience member asked the panel to choose their all-time favorite co-stars, White said, “Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, and Estelle Getty.” I’m not embarrassed to say that I got slightly choked up by her response. After seeing these women interact, it’s clear to me that they actually like each other’s company. I can spot a Hollywood lie when I see it, and these ladies are legitimate. Wendie Malick was also a favorite, not only because she snorts when she laughs, but also because she had a very funny description of Susan Lucci, saying, “Lucci’s so tiny, her leg is as big as my arm.” Malick also had a hilarious exchange with Valerie Bertinelli. When Bertinelli said she removed the part of her wall where she measured her son’s height because of its sentimental value, Malick asked, “did the house fall down?” The panel laughed, at which point Suzanne joked that she gets her material from the actors true personalities. It’s always fun to see the origin of how great television shows are made, and these ladies certainly delivered the information in an entertaining way. My only critique involves the moderator, who wasn’t equipped for such a hefty task. When I turned to my friend to lambaste the moderator’s terrible questions, a woman behind me barked in my direction, saying, “I completely disagree. She was good because she got out of the way.” If “getting out of the way” means excessive gushing coupled with impertinent questions, then yeah, she got out of the way. Thank goodness these comedic veterans were equipped to run the show.
American Idol Performances Not Live — Are the Producers Incompetent?
Fox announced that this week’s American Idol will be pre-taped because there is a “new director and new judges, and it has nothing to do with manipulation.” Though I agree that this has nothing to do with manipulation, I’m certain it has everything to do with incompetence. It takes a lot of skill to produce a live show, and pre-taping it is a cop-out way of saying they can’t execute the task. Furthermore, the essence of American Idol’s brand is that it’s a live show, so this is preposterous. I’d like to also add that I feel terrible for the audience this week, because if you ever gone to a non-live show taping, then you know it’s absolute torture to sit through five hours of taping for a one hour show. To put things in perspective, they often don’t even let you leave to pee. Yeah — you heard me.
Jennifer Aniston’s Smartwater Video Goes Viral!
Charlie Sheen Fired From Two and a Half Men — a $60 Million Dollar Mistake
Warner Bros. (the studio that produces Two and a Half Men for CBS) announced the end of Charlie Sheen today, firing him before the remainder of the season. I’m actually shocked by the news, not only because I ‘thought the studio would rather take the personal risk of employing a crazy actor, than the financial risk of killing their cash cow. Having said that, Charlie Sheen’s antics just cost him $60 million dollars, and then some. Because the show was shut down prior to the remainder of the season, that means CBS doesn’t have to pay Charlie Sheen for the eight episodes that went un-produced. Let me break this down in simpler terms to make the point clear. When actors sign television contracts, they get paid per episode, for “all episodes produced.” For example, if Sheen was fired mid-season, and then Stamos was hired to take his place, CBS would have to pay both Stamos AND Sheen, because Sheen’s contract said he gets paid for every episode produced in that season, whether he’s in the episode or not. Unfortunately for Sheen, CBS shut down production entirely, before finishing the last 8 episodes of the season. Translation — if the episodes weren’t made, then Sheen doesn’t get paid. Since Sheen makes 2 million dollars per episode, that means he just lost 16 million dollars. If only he could have contained his crazy for the rest of the season — he might have been able to hold off a predictable future bankruptcy a little longer (has he learned nothing from Nic Cage?). He also could have just acted like a normal human being and stayed on the the show until it ran it’s course. Just to make your jaw drop at his stupidity, just one more season of Two and a Half Men at $2 million per episode would have likely earned him $44 million. That’s a total of $60 million. Sheen’s lawyer is currently arguing that he should be paid for the remaining eight episodes of the current season, even though Warner Bros. never produced them. Good luck, Charlie.
Charlie Sheen’s Web-Cast — Just a Boring House-Party
Have you ever gone to a house party where everyone seems to be having a great time, and you’re looking for the nearest exit? Such is the case with Charlie Sheen’s web-cast, which looked like the least happening shin-dig imaginable. The only entertainment involved his overuse of the word “winning,” which never gets old. Unless Sheen plans on releasing a porn involving his two “goddesses,” I’m not interested in any future broadcasting from his mansion. As an aside, Charlie Sheen’s antics prove exactly why television networks make actors “exclusive” to the network in their contracts. Now that Charlie Sheen is free from Two and a Half Men, he can be “funny” in real life. Great for him, bad for us. I imagine that if every actor was this legally free to pursue their creative fantasies, you might see some other A-listers going bat-sh#t-crazy. Watch the “entertainment” below.
Sirius Launches Charlie Sheen Channel — Ripping off Howard Stern’s Ideas?
Sirius announced a station exclusively dedicated to Charlie Sheen’s antics, and they clearly stole the idea from Howard Stern’s radio show. The new station will have interviews with some of Sheen’s porn stars, and just last week Howard Stern did the exact same thing while holding a porn star beauty pageant. Also, if you’re a Stern fan then you know that Stern has a news team exclusively dedicated to the antics surrounding Howard Stern’s radio show, which is precisely what the Charlie Sheen station will do. This is obviously how they thought of the idea. You might be wondering what the problem is, especially considering that Howard Stern works for Sirius, so any Sirius popularity indirectly benefits Stern. Because I’m a massive Howard Stern fan, I’m fully confident that Stern is furious about this. First, Stern recently said that he’d like to give Sheen a radio show on one of Stern’s two channels, so it’s obviously troubling that Sirius will put similar content elsewhere. Second, when Sirius offered Rosie O’Donnell a show, Stern was pissed because he wanted her on one of his channels. He publicly exposed his anger, saying that Sirius basically stole his idea without consulting him. It’s completely irrelevant that Stern and Sirius play on the same team. They are still ripping off Stern’s original content, which is unacceptable.
Movie Review: Take Me Home Tonight
I’m not the right person to review this film. First, I have a huge crush on Topher Grace, which makes me biased. In fact, I recently saw him at a Hollywood party, and I’m convinced he gave me the eye. It’s more likely than not that the “eye” I’m referring to was actually Topher Grace looking in fear at the crazy chick gawking at him — but a girl can dream. This film is basically a story-less comedy about a boy with a crush. It’s set in the eighties, which I found slightly confusing, especially since it never fast-forwarded to real-time. Topher Grace plays Matt Franklin, who recently graduated from MIT and is working in a video store until he finds out what he wants to do with his life. He meets his high school crush, and he lies to her about his job because he’s embarrassed. She invites him to a party, and he spends the entire night trying to impress her, which involves the pressure of keeping his lie. I’d like to note that the only extremely funny scene was executed by Demitri Martin, who hilariously called-out Matt Franklin as a liar. To be fair, Demitri is a stand-up comedian, so it only makes sense that he’d steal the show. Throughout this film, I found myself wondering why Say Anything worked, and this didn’t. Both films star a charming, somewhat dorky boy with a crush. If Say Anything was released today, would it still be as popular? I’m not sure. Perhaps Topher needed to hold a stereo above his head or something? I’m giving this movie a stronger than deserved overall rating because of my crush on Topher Grace. OVERALL RATING: SADISHFIED