It's Not Gossip, It's Commentary
In a perfect world, I’d marry Jon Stewart and have his babies, but experience tells me that you can’t always get what you want in life. In the video below, Stewart proves why the only real news on television these days is the fake news. Watch and enjoy.
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There are days where I fantasize about how much easier my life might be if I looked like Maria Menounos. Then I remind myself of my fantastic personality and amazing breasts, and I squash my pity-party. And speaking of personality — why is it that Maria Menounos is hired to interview the cast of MTV’s ‘The Challenge: Rivals’ and can’t be bothered to ask the most important questions? I realize the show is about physical challenges, but some of those physical challenges include sex, and I’d like to know which cast members are still having it — with each other. The only relevant question she asked involved Jenn Grijalva and Adam King, and after watching Jenn huff-and-puff over nothing (no pun intended), I still have absolutely no idea whether she and Adam had sex in the back of a bus. I blame Maria for that. And what about Chris “CT” Tamburello and Laurel Stucky? Since CT is so beautiful he hurts my eyes, imagine my disappointment when Maria failed to confirm his single status. I suppose that’s neither here nor there since CT and I have a date on a deserted island somewhere where he’ll go out into the ocean and catch me fish with his bare hands. A girl can dream, can’t she? And finally, are Wes Bergmann and Mandy Moyer still friends-with-benefits? What exactly did Maria think she was paid to ask during this interview? Perhaps she needs to watch more of those Real Housewives reunions and take some notes from the great Andy Cohen.
UPDATE: It’s been brought to my attention by a very kind commenter that Maria did in fact ask the correct questions but the douchey editor over at MTV decided to edit those out. For details on what really happened, and the answers to the questions I posed above, read Adam King’s blog. You’ll be relieved to know that CT is still available — for me. And my major apologies to Maria for insulting her interviewing skills.
If two of my exes went to lunch together, I imagine the conversation would go something like this: “Isn’t The Dishmaster really great in bed? Wow, I really did miss out on an amazing thing. Perhaps we should call her right now and beg for her to take us back.” Seriously though — the idea of two people I dated sitting in a room together is quite possibly my version of hell. I wonder how Jake Gyllenhaal felt about it. According to Us Weekly, Reese Witherspoon and Taylor Swift shared a lunch, and the conversation included a discussion on how self-absorbed Jake can be. I can’t say I believe the story, though. Did someone wearing a wire? Unless a very nosy individual at the neighboring table blabbed to Us Weekly, I can’t imagine that this is true. Having said that, I’m certain Jake lost sleep just thinking about it.
When you work in Hollywood, you’ll find that most of the people in the business are either gigantically douchey or extremely nice. There is no in between. I’m happy to report that David Arquette is the latter. I met him at a Hollywood shin-dig, and as a massive Howard Stern fan, I could not resist approaching him to compliment his Stern appearances. Arquette was incredibly gracious and down-to-earth, so it makes me happy that he’ll be on Dancing With the Stars this season. Though I think he’s a little too famous for the show, insiders tell me that the stars make a considerable amount of money per episode, and with over 20 million viewers each week, it’s probably a smart career decision for Arquette. Plus, who could argue with good PR on a family show? Watch him discuss the contestants with Letterman.
“I’m not the world’s biggest Green Lantern fan, so I aint got bitchin’ rights. But you wait your whole life for a Green Lantern movie and, like, it’s Ryan Reynolds? You’re like, “Oh, man.” It better be genius.” ‘Dogma’ director Kevin Smith on his disappointment with the Green Lantern casting choice.
‘Toddlers & Tiaras’ isn’t “controversial” — it’s objectively immoral. It’s not okay to sexualize young children, and it’s certainly not okay for a network to profit from a parent’s disgusting choices. In the clip below, you’ll see a four year old named Maddy Jackson appearing as Dolly Parton, which includes wearing fake breasts and a fake butt. The stir surrounding the show was recently discussed on ‘The View,’ when Eden Wood performed a song, and the show’s viewers erupted in fury. At the time, Barbara Walters argued that no one complained when Shirley Temple did it, at which point Joy Behar rightly pointed out that Shirley Temple was never sexualized. She never waved her ass around while wearing fake boobs. At some point, a network must take responsibility for where they churn profits, and this show needs to end. Everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves for ignoring the moral high-ground in favor of ratings. These are children.
You might recall a time in history when models didn’t look like little boys. Remember Cindy Crawford, and how she actually had those things that make up a woman — breasts and ass? And just when you thought it could not get worse, we’ve officially transitioned to a pre-pubescent stage. I understand that Kendall Jenner is of the Kardashian Posse and is therefore in demand, but that’s no excuse. She’s just too young — and it’s disturbing. I suppose this is the fashion industry’s alternative to anorexia. Why bother with hungry models when you can use children that haven’t full developed yet. It’s genius!
“It’s not over yet. There are a few things which need to be sorted out. I didn’t want this to happen. It’s not nice suing your family but like I said, he was telling porkies (lies) for the sake of his mates and journalists to get a wise crack on me… If he listens to his lawyers and does the right thing then it’ll be well and truly over. I never wanted it to happen but it has to happen.” Liam Gallagher on his eternal feud with his brother Noel Gallagher after he sued Noel for suggesting that Liam missed a concert because of a hangover.
If you’re a fan of The Dishmaster, then you’re well aware that all my girl-crushes are curvy. So when I heard that Guiliana Rancic took aim at LeAnn Rimes for her weight, I couldn’t help but laugh, especially since both of these women are celery sticks. The feud began when Rancic discussed her new restaurant, and the interviewer asked what celebrity she would most like to feed. Rancic mentioned Rimes, and Rimes immediately responded with a dinner invite, suggesting that Rancic might change her mind when seeing Rimes’ food selection. Isn’t Rancic the same person that spoke on ‘The View’ about her fertility doctor’s suggestion to gain weight, saying that there’s too much pressure on her to fit into the E! sample-size outfits to do so?