It's Not Gossip, It's Commentary
Shakira released her Gypsy single some time ago, but it never really took off. I assume that’s because the rest of the album was pretty terrible, and by the time she released Gypsy, the damage was done. Why so terrible? For starters, the album was called She Wolf, and her video involved some very promiscuous cage dancing with crotch shots and pelvic thrusts. It’s not that I’m against pornography, I just never expected it from Shakira. I’ve posted Gypsy below for your enjoyment, and I’ve also posted her stripper video for your extra enjoyment.
Shakira – Gypsy by aGalllegos
Similar to Taylor Momsen, I’m done picking on Miley Cyrus. TMZ obtained a disturbing video of her smoking from a bong, though her representatives insist it was salvia and not marijuana. I’m not going to waste my time explaining the difference. I found the video particularly disturbing because it looks like the person taping her intended to use the footage at a later date. I might be reading too much Sherlock Holmes, but she kept the video on Miley the entire time, and also insisted that she wasn’t “fucked up enough.” Usually when I’m filming at a party and someone says, “hey what’s that over there,” I move the camera to reflect what’s being discussed.” Perhaps I wouldn’t move the camera if my cash-cow was high though. Additionally, I’m convinced that this is the tip of the iceberg, and Miley Cyrus will soon join Lindsay Lohan in rehab. Billy Ray Cyrus also saw the video, and released a statement, saying, “sorry guys. I had no idea. Just saw this stuff for the first time myself. I’m so sad. There is much beyond my control right now.” If Billy Ray is reading this, I’m sorry. I really thought she would come out unscathed.
Everyone remembers Christian Bale’s on-set rant, but no one noticed that he was yelling with an American accent. Bale was born in Wales, and he has an English accent. At the time of his infamous tirade, he was playing a character with an American accent, and he apparently never breaks character while filming a movie. I applaud his dedication, but isn’t this a little strange? The man was furious — so you would think he would break character and slip back into his natural accent. I’ve posted both his tirade and his apology below. Although he seems pretty charming during his apology, I don’t think it cleaned up the public mess he created. Most people still thinks he’s pretty nuts, so unless he sits down with Barbara Walters, I imagine he and Russell Crowe will soon have a lot in common. Listen below and notice the accents.
Katy Perry just topped the Billboard top 100 chart with her new single, Firework, and she might have to send Coldplay a bouquet of flowers for the achievement. Why? Because the song is a blatant rip-off of Coldplay’s Viva La Vida. The overlap is so insane I actually looked it up to see if Coldplay consented to letting her cover their song. They didn’t. This isn’t the first Katy Perry “overlap.” Her song, California Gurls, sounds like Ke$ha’s Tik Tok, except those two songs were written by the same guy, which explains the similarity. That excuse doesn’t fly this time around. Listen below and judge for yourself (hint: listen to the chorus).
I’m going to keep this short and sweet. Howard Stern renewed his deal with Sirius, and will be on the radio for another five years. That not only means that he won’t abandon his staff in this terrible economy, but also that I don’t have to cry every morning in memory of the radio show that makes each of my days a little brighter. On yesterday’s show he said there was one major sticking point left in his negotiations, but he would not reveal what it was, only admitting that it made him feel disrespected. I assume that Sirius folded, because Stern doesn’t seem like the concession kind of guy. Did I mention that I love Howard Stern?! Also, I’d like to get some credit for predicting this.
Sometimes actors take themselves a little too seriously, and Ryan Gosling is no exception. He was originally cast in The Lovely Bones, and he unilaterally decided to put on 60 pounds, because that is how he envisioned the character. I don’t want to question Gosling’s intelligence, but don’t you think that you would ask the director of your film if he agrees with your vision before you start to “melt ice cream and drink it.” That’s quite the weighty risk (pun intended). The role eventually went to the very in-shape Mark Wahlberg.
No one is a bigger fan of The View than The Dishmaster, but Sherri Shepherd’s commercials during the show must stop. I understand that the network has to make money, and this seems like a creative way to do it, but it simply doesn’t work. First, it’s not technically “product placement.” Product placement occurs when someone within a television show uses a product, and the audience notices it without even thinking it’s a commercial. It’s akin to your mother sneaking carrots in your brownies. Second, because it’s completely obvious when Sherri begins to endorse the product, I simply fast forward through it, as if it’s a regular commercial. See the problem? This ridiculous idea started when Rosie was on The View, and they tried to continue it after she left. The difference is that when Rosie gave gifts to the audience she made it seem as if she really used the product and spent her own personal funds to gift the audience with something she genuinely thought they might like. She wasn’t simply pimping out products because she was paid to do so.
Ummmm . . . what? Tommy Lee wrote SeaWorld an angry letter, which made its way to TMZ, probably because Tommy cc’d them. Anyways, Tommy says SeaWorld masturbates its whale to get its sperm for mating. According to Tommy, this is done by a man who hops in the pool with a cow’s vagina and . . . well, you get it. Anyone need a job? He wants the whale released into the wild. Alright, I just vomited.
I hope I’m wrong about this, but since I’m never wrong, I doubt it. Alright — that’s a joke — even The Dishmaster isn’t that egotistical. Darren Criss is the new golden boy on Glee, and he’s been all over the news since his first appearance on the show singing Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream. I’ve seen him in interviews since, and his head seems to be getting so big it just might explode. So either I’m wrong and he needs a good PR person to help him circumvent that image, or his head really is too big. I’m guessing it’s the latter. I’m only posting this as a warning for him to be careful. It’s a small industry, so image control is extremely important. The guy is talented, but so are a lot of people. Click the link below to watch his recent Rolling Stone interview, and look at the picture on the right to see the glasses he wore to the AMAs recently. You tell me if I’m right. I’ve also posted his brilliant rendition of Teenage Dream just to show that I’m capable of compliments.