Tabloid Gossip — Week-in-Review

  • Courtney Cox gushed about her “cute” husband, David Arquette, while promoting Scream 4.  OK Magazine
  • The future of Mad Men is uncertain over a money dispute between AMC and the studio.  Astrochicks
  • ABC wants to put Chris Brown and Rihanna in the same room.  The Superficial
  • Teen Mom 2 star, Jenelle Evans, was caught on tape beating up another girl.  The D.A.’s office is investigating.  Celeb Dirty Laundry
  • The Star Jones/Nene Leakes war rages on.  Bossip
  • Reese Witherspoon is getting married very soon.  Celebuzz
  • Alicia Silverstone is pregnant.  Ear Sucker
  • Is Crystal Harris cheating on Hugh Hefner with Dr. Phil’s son?  Celebrity Smack Blog
  • Ashley Greene might have moved on from Joe Jonas to Captain America/Chris Evans.  Celebridoodle
  • Eva Longoria removed her Tony Parker tattoo.  Moe Jackson
  • Lindsay Lohan is dropping her last name.  She’s just “Lindsay” now.  The Blemish
  • Britney Spears looks hot in her new photo-shoot for her upcoming album, Femme Fatale. Hollywood Tuna
  • Chris Browns‘ publicist dropped him.  D-Listed
  • Elizabeth Taylor was intentionally late for her own funeral.  The Frisky

 

 

Tabloid News — Week in Review

  • Pamela Anderson is suing her ex-boyfriend for one million dollars.  TMZ
  • Sean Penn may be dating Charlize Theron or Scarlett Johansson (perhaps at the same time).  Us Weekly
  • Rihanna and Chris Brown can attend the Grammys at the same time, despite the restraining order.  Digital Spy
  • Jude Law and Sienna Miller broke up again.  Huffington Post
  • Meg Ryan and John Mellancamp might be engaged.  Ear Sucker
  • Alex Rodriguez has given Cameron Diaz some serious biceps.  Socialite Life
  • Rihanna might be dating Travis Barker.  The Frisky
  • Eva Longoria was caught kissing Penelope Cruz’s brother, Eduardo Cruz.  Just Jared
  • Lindsay Lohan’s tight, white court dress is sold out everywhere.  The Stir
  • Rosario Dawson is very hot.  Hollywood Tuna

R.I.P. Miley Cyrus — This is My Last Post About You

Similar to Taylor Momsen, I’m done picking on Miley Cyrus.  TMZ obtained a disturbing video of her smoking from a bong, though her representatives insist it was salvia and not marijuana.  I’m not going to waste my time explaining the difference.  I found the video particularly disturbing because it looks like the person taping her intended to use the footage at a later date.  I might be reading too much Sherlock Holmes, but she kept the video on Miley the entire time, and also insisted that she wasn’t “fucked up enough.”  Usually when I’m filming at a party and someone says, “hey what’s that over there,” I move the camera to reflect what’s being discussed.”  Perhaps I wouldn’t move the camera if my cash-cow was high though.  Additionally, I’m convinced that this is the tip of the iceberg, and Miley Cyrus will soon join Lindsay Lohan in rehab.  Billy Ray Cyrus also saw the video, and released a statement, saying, “sorry guys. I had no idea. Just saw this stuff for the first time myself. I’m so sad. There is much beyond my control right now.”  If Billy Ray is reading this, I’m sorry.  I really thought she would come out unscathed.

Blog Weekly Roundup — Tabloid Review

  • Tony Parker cheated on Eva Longoria with his teammate’s wife.  Astrochicks
  • Kate Winslet and her hot model boyfriend broke up.  Ok! Magazine
  • Teri Hatcher quit Desperate Housewives.  Hollywood Life
  • Lindsay Lohan was replaced in the Linda Lovelace biopic.  Us Magazine
  • Natalie Portman has a great ass.  The Superficial
  • Sean Connery is one of 26 people that have to deposit a $86 million dollar bond as part of a property scam.  Real Bollywood
  • Portia De Rossi refused to be interviewed by men.  Monsters and Critics
  • Britney Spears and Beyonce have something in common: their parents are reuniting.  E! Online
  • Wesley Snipes is going to jail for tax evasion.  Bloginity
  • Jessica Simpson’s fiance isn’t a mootcher after all.  Trending Daily
  • Anne Hathaway admits that actors sometimes have real sex in movies.  Radar Online

Dina Lohan Needs to Lighten Up — Pissed at Glee

The first thing Lindsay Lohan needs to do when she exits rehab is fire her mother, Dina Lohan, as her manager.  She perpetuates Lindsay’s negative image in the press, by continually discussing her daughter’s issues.  Lindsay would have a much better chance of rehabilitating (no pun intended) her career if her mother would zip-it.  On this week’s Glee, Gwyneth Paltrow’s character discussed Lindsay’s rehab stints while teaching her Spanish class.  The bit was funny, and Lohan’s camp should laugh it off.  Unfortunately for Lindsay, her camp includes her horrendous mother, who is threatening to sue Glee for defamation.  Allow me to put this esquire thing to use for just one second — it’s not defamation to call someone “loca.”  So get over it Dina. Watch the clip below to see what all the fuss is about.

Kim Kardashian Parties With Perez for Her Birthday — Did she Forgive Him?

There’s something very interesting about the photos from Kim Kardashian’s 30th birthday party — Perez Hilton is there.  Perez Hilton has often bashed the Kardashian sisters on his blog, once going so far as to call Khloe Kardashian an “ugly amazon.”  So does she have a forgiving heart, or is she hoping to stay close to Perez to keep her name on his website?  I surmise it’s the latter.  And the Kardashians aren’t alone.  Demi Moore once threatened to sue Perez for child pornography when he posted pictures of her young daughter’s ass on his website.  Perez then countered with a defamation threat.  You wouldn’t guess that by the twitter love between the two.  Demi posted a twit-pic of herself in a bikini, and Perez responded with a pic of himself a speedo.  Demi playfully retweeted his pic, saying, “I think I started a trend.”  Did she forgive him too?  And what about Lindsay Lohan?  Perez often attacks her on his site, yet Lohan had no problem attending his birthday bash, and getting her picture taken with him.  Nothing says forgiveness like getting your name mentioned on a high-traffic blog.

Nicole Richie Bashes X17 — She’s Right

Nicole Richie wrote an open letter to X17,  also know as the scum of the Paparazzi universe.  Apparently, the paparazzi park outside her child’s school and wait to snap pictures, which verges on pedophilia.  This has to stop.  And unfortunately, it will only stop because of the legislature, and not because of open letters to the media from celebrities.  You don’t get to put a camera in your hand on a public street and photograph little children without being a stalker.   In any other universe these guys would be thrown in jail.  Hats to Nicole for speaking her mind though — now it’s time to lobby Congress.

Tim Gunn’s Best Celebrity Bashing Quotes

Tim Gunn does his fair share of celebrity bashing, and I love every second of it.  I often pick on celebrities for gratuitously insulting other people, but Gunn never bothers me.  He’s just a “truth-teller,” and if the “truth” involves calling celebrities out on their bad behavior, then so be it.  In honor of his new book, I’ve listed his best quotes below.

On Whether Lady Gaga’s Outfits Are “Fashion”

“Who would want to emulate that? It’s not fashion. Those are costumes.”

Tim Gunn on Jon Gosselin’s Wardrobe

“In his case, everything is too big,” Gunn said. “It is what I refer to as the slobification of America. If you want to dress to feel as though you never got out of bed, then don’t get out of bed.”

On Katie Holmes Baggy Jeans

“I have to say, Katie Holmes has become so much more sophisticated in so many ways, but I think she’s in a dip right now. I can’t explain it.”

On Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise’s Choice to Dress-Up Suri

He explained, “Suri is her mother and father’s dress up doll. I think in many ways she’s a fashion victim and it’s very inappropriate…I feel bad for her.”

On Shooting Gossip Girl With Taylor Momsen

“What a diva! “She was pathetic, she couldn’t remember her lines, and she didn’t even have that many. I thought to myself ‘why are we all being held hostage by this brat?”

On Martha Stewart’s Daugther, Alexis

When I was at ‘The Daily Show’ two weeks ago, the producers told me that when Martha was there, she came with Alexis and that’s exactly how Alexis was in the green room. She had this profanity-laced Tourettes. She was saying all these horrible things about her mother, who was right there, and her mother wasn’t responding at all, acting as if she was deaf.

On Vogue’s Anna Wintour at a Fashion Show

“I was with a colleague from Parsons, and we had been discussing the will-she-or-won’t-she-take-the-elevator question, so we ran over to the elevator bay to see if Anna would deign to get on.  She wasn’t there. Then we looked over [and we saw] Anna being carried down the stairs. The bodyguards had made a fireman’s lock and were racing her from landing to landing. She was sitting on their crossed arms.  I ran to the window to see if they would put her down on the sidewalk or carry her to the car like that.  They carried her to the car. And I thought: ‘I will never forget this.’”

On Lindsay Lohan Designing for Emanuel Ungaro

A reporter asked me at a party how I felt about Lindsay Lohan designing for Emanuel Ungaro. I was taken aback because I hadn’t heard anything about it until then. I said that if it was true, “It’s got to be a publicity stunt. Or a crack-smoking board of directors?” How I said it was a little blunt, but I stand by the sentiment. I mean, Lindsay Lohan knows how to buy things, but does she know how to design? And if she does, then at that level?

On Designer Isaac Mizrahi

Don’t even get me started on Isaac Mizrahi. In my view, he’s one of the world’s biggest divas. One time, Isaac threw a fit about a security guard from the second-floor showroom at Liz Claiborne Inc.’s Times Square offices. Why, you may ask? Was he stealing? Harassing guests? showing up late? No, he was wearing brown.

Michelle Williams Will Play Marilyn Monroe — Is this Movie Necessary?

Am I the only person on the planet that doesn’t feel a personal connection to Marilyn Monroe?  I don’t get it.  Sure, she was great.  But does that mean that every celebrity has to pose as her, and movies have to be made about her life?  Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Kidman already copied a Marilyn Monroe photo-shoot, and Megan Fox has her picture tattooed on her arm.  And the great Paris Hilton once proclaimed that she’s the “Marilyn Monroe of today’s generation.”  Okay — that last one just made me laugh.  So when I heard that Michelle Williams was cast in a new Monroe biopic, I skipped over the blogosphere questions about whether she could pull it off, and asked myself whether it should be made at all.

Tabloid Roundup

  • Laura Dern was blindsided by Ben Harper’s divorce filing.  Radar Online
  • Jersey Shore’s Ronnie is embarrassed for how he treated his girlfriend, Sammi.  Celebrity Cafe
  • Danii Minogue is furious that Sharon Osbourne might return to X-Factor.  Daily Mail
  • Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore renewed their wedding vows in Israel.  Fan Carpet
  • American Idol’s Crystal Bowersox got married.  E! Online
  • Wilmer Valderrama still loves Lindsay Lohan.  OMG, Music
  • Kim Kardashian was in a bar fight.  Miami Herald
  • Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna insist that their store robbery was not a publicity stunt.  Extra TV
  • Johnny Knoxville is still recovering from his penis injury.  Female First
  • Ryan Phillippe is dating AnnaLynne McCord’s sister, Angel.  Ear Sucker