Author: The Dishmaster

Marissa Jaret Winokur Leaves The Talk — My Prediction Was Correct

I hate being right sometimes.  I know that sounds sarcastic, but I really do hate being correct when it involves someone’s job.  About a month ago, I wrote a post about how Marissa Jaret Winokur might be fired from The Talk, as she’s rarely ever seen on the show.  It’s now official.  Marissa and CBS “mutually parted ways.”  I actually really liked Marissa on the show, but I know about Hollywood head-counts, and where fat can be trimmed — it will be trimmed.  Plus, it is absolutely ridiculous to have that many panelists on The Talk.  Without Winokur, there are still five women, one of which also needs to go.  I won’t tell you who though, because here at The Dishmaster, I try to be positive.  After all, someone told me last night that I “come off as very negative,” and because I’m actually an inherently positive person, I refrained from telling him to “go fu*k himself.”

Dear Donald Trump — Stop Casting Reality Stars on Your Reality Show

The new cast of Celebrity Apprentice has been announced, and I’m disappointed. Though it might be interesting to if Richard Hatch (Survivor) and NeNe Leakes (The Real Housewives of Atlanta) can actually make intelligent business decisions, I’m sick of reality shows recycling reality stars. These shows basically provide a mosh-pit of recycled fame-whores that are looking to extend their fifteen minutes of fame to twenty minutes. Keep in mind that I’m not a realty-television-hater, but there’s a lot of people in the industry who were actually famous for a talent, and who are looking to resurrect their career. Those are the people who should be selected. Forgive me if I don’t want to see the douchey Jake Pavelka on Dancing With the Stars.

Maroon 5’s Album is Incredible — I’m Sorry, Adam Levine

If you follow my blog, then you would know how often I pick on Adam Levine for his annoying personality.  In my most recent post on the topic, I claimed to stop listening to his music based solely on this terrible personality.  Well, even The Dishmaster can eat crow.  Thanks to Grooveshark, I was able to listen to his entire new album, Hands All Over, before buying it — and it’s incredible.  I’ll repent for my sharp tongue by actually purchasing the album.  Who says I’m immature?

What Happened to the Smart Superheroes? — Is ‘Good Will Hunting’ the End?

I watched Good Will Hunting for the fiftieth time last night, and something occurred to me. Matt Damon’s character was an intellectual superhero. He didn’t have a batsuit, and he certainly couldn’t stop a train with his bare hands. His likability was based solely on smarts. There’s a scene in a bar where Ben Affleck hits on a girl, and a Harvard graduate makes him feel stupid. Damon comes to the rescue on his best friend’s behalf, but instead of punching the guy in the face in a well-choreographed fist-fight, he intellectually belittles him, and says “you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a fuckin’ education you coulda’ got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the Public Library.” So here’s my question — would you rather date Will Hunting or Spiderman, and have there been any intelligent superheros since? If you take that rubber suit off, do you think Batman even knows how to multiply?

Jim Carrey’s is the Black Swan on SNL — Confirms He’s Brilliant

I’ve never been a massive Saturday Night Live fan. I didn’t stay home on Saturdays in high school to watch it, and I never find myself actually laughing out loud at the skits. But when Jim Carrey appeared as the Black Swan, I almost choked on my apple (alright — it was potato chips — I don’t eat apples but I thought I’d lie for just a moment). When I first saw Black Swan I was moderately impressed, and then I talked to this guy at work who waxed-on about how terrible it was. He convinced me. I’d tell you why, but I haven’t figured out how to write my review without spoiling the entire movie. So in an effort to express my point without ruining the film, please watch the skit below, because Jim Carrey explains it so I don’t have to.

Did Britney Spears Rip-Off The Bellamy Brothers? — NO!!

The Bellamy Brothers accused Britney Spears of ripping off their song, and their claim is laughable.  I’ve definitely accused artists of ripping off other artists on my blog, but that’s certainly not what happened here.  The only similarity involves one lyric, and I won’t even repeat it because I’m too lazy to look it up.  First of all, the best way to get your washed up name in the press is to mention someone more famous than yourself.  In fact, perhaps I should sue Britney Spears for ripping off the song that I sing in the shower every day.  Oops — I sing Britney Spears music in the shower — so that doesn’t work.  As an aside, Britney’s new song is predictably amazing, so listen below.  And since I’m feeling generous, I’ve decided to also post the Bellamy Brother’s song, despite the obvious hypocrisy of giving them attention.

Anne Hathaway Impersonates Katie Holmes on SNL — Nails It!

There’s a rumor floating around that Katie Holmes is pissed about Anne Hathaway’s Saturday Night Live impersonation of her.  TomKat’s camp denies this, but since they didn’t publicly say it was funny, I’m guessing they hated it.  The impression is so dead-on accurate, I think Anne Hathaway actually did Katie Holmes a major favor.  Pehaps she should take the time to study the impression so she can figure out why she comes off so strange in interviews.  Watch below.  It starts around the three minute mark.

CT v. Johnny — The Greatest Moment in Real World/Road Rules History

I stopped watching the Real World/Road Rules challenges many seasons ago, mostly because MTV started casting douchebags, and the show became boring and painful. But when I’ve run out of mindless television, I make an exception. This time around, I’m glad I did. If you’re a fan of the series, then you’ve heard of a certain infamous individual named Chris Tamburello (or “CT”). He’s infamous because he’s been kicked off the show multiple times for fighting, and at one point it looked like he might actually kill his fellow cast member. He’s my favorite cast member, because I’m superficial and he looks like a Calvin Klein model. Also, I have a soft place in my heart for the bad boy who falls in love — and he had a very touching story with a fellow cast member with cancer. Alright, enough with the schmaltz. During the last challenge, CT was called in as a “surprise guest” to battle someone they call “Johnny Bananas.” The clip below might be the greatest moment in reality television history. Not only did he embarrass him but he . . . actually — just watch it. I don’t want to spoil anything. Let’s just say CT’s new nickname may be The Terminator.

The Challenge: Cutthroat – MTV Shows

Is Michael Franti the New Cat Stevens?

Someone once told me that I’m either extremely self-deprecating or extremely self-aggrandizing — there’s no in between.  Having said that, I am about to toot my own horn.  I think of myself of having an ear for music, despite my inability to play any instrument.  In fact, I once bought a very expensive guitar and signed up for lessons, but when my teacher told me to strum I was too embarrassed and immediately quit.  Fear not, though!  I’ve decided to use this musical ear for the purpose of my very successful blog, and I’ve chosen to highlight two singers, who I think sound extremely similar.  Those singers are Michael Franti and Cat Stevens.  If you haven’t heard of Michael Franti, listen to his biggest hit below, Say Hey (I Love You). If you haven’t heard of Cat Stevens, throw yourself off a cliff. Franti sounds most like Stevens in his song below, Have a little Faith. For your enjoyment, I’ve also attached Stevens’ song, Moonshadow.  If you can’t follow my very confusing road-map, just start clicking random buttons in this post, and I’m sure you will eventually figure it out.

Cat Stevens – Moonshadow by mutluturka

Michael Franti and Spearhead – Say Hey (I Love You) by Mindy Jenks

Tabloid Gossip — Week in Review

  • Ally McBeal’s Jane Krakowski is pregnant.  E! Online
  • Eva Longoria’s Las Vegas restaurant went bankrupt.  I recommend she just endorse products instead.  It’s a lot less work for a lot more money.  Actually, isn’t she the ice-cream girl in Europe?  Backseat Cuddler
  • In news that no one saw coming, Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal broke up.   People
  • Tsunami survivor and model, Petra Nemcova, found love again and is engaged.  Love Tripper
  • The Kardashians face a $75 million lawsuit over the failed credit they endorsed.  Styleite
  • Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin split after eight years together.  In more surprising news, Mila Kunis was dating Macaulay Culkin for the last eight years.  Who knew?  Entertainment Weekly
  • Christina Milian discussed her very public divorce from The Dream (or “The Nightmare” — why has no one else thought of that joke?).  MTV
  • LeAnn Rimes got a $85,000 engagement ring from Eddie Cibrian just after he lowered his child support payments.  Pop Crunch
  • Victoria Beckham is pregnant with her fourth child.  Something tells me it will be another boy.  Hollyscoop
  • Lea Michele wasn’t very nice to the adorable Hailee Steinfeld — be careful who you snub — you never know when they’ll do an interview about you being a jerk.  Babble
  • Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens might be back together.  To quote the great Jerry Seinfeld, “the first one never takes.”  Alright, that was mean — I wish them the best.  Celebuzz
  • Amanda Seyfried and Ryan Phillippe had their first public kiss.  In related news, I think Ryan prefers blonds, which means I’m out of the running.   Pop Sugar
  • Kelsey Grammer didn’t have a pre-nup.  Us Magazine