There’s only one reason that real actors join reality shows. Their work has dried up. I’m fully aware that many celebrities need help, but trust me — they wouldn’t join Celebrity Rehab if they had more lucrative offers in front of the camera. They’d get help in private, and continue their acting careers in public. So that brings me to Eric Roberts, who many know as Julia Roberts’ brother and Emma Roberts’ father. The reason I’m confused about his appearance, is that I thought he was still a working actor. It’s only been two years since he appeared in the blockbuster film, The Dark Knight, and his part in the film was pretty substantial. Is it possible that his career took such a turn for the worst in just two short years? I don’t get it. Yes, there is the argument that he wants to do this show to help people, but I’m a pretty cynical Dishmaster, and I just don’t buy it.
Dear Glee, Where the Fu*K is John Stamos?!
Glee fans everywhere should be up in arms. We were promised John Stamos, and Ryan Murphy has yet to deliver. So where is he, and why is his character always mentioned yet he never appears? Stamos made a cameo on this week’s episode, but it was very unsatisfying. First, I imagine that Stamos is being paid per episode, which means that he was given a full salary for that little thirty second appearance. It baffles me that Murphy would waste a Stamos episode on such a small appearance. Let me break this down for everyone so my point is clear. A show only has a certain budget for guest talent, and it’s possible that Stamos is only being paid to appear on 5 episodes. As a way to keep his character in the show for a long period of time for a limited cost, the characters keep discussing him, yet he never appears. Translation? — it’s a cheap ploy to keep Stamos around as long as possible. Literally — cheap. So when he finally showed up for an episode, I was devastated to discover that his salary was blown on such a short appearance. At least make him sing and dance if you’re gonna pay him.
Steve Martin Audience Gets Refund for his Lecture — Martin Isn’t Happy
This story is too funny not to post. Steve Martin was interviewed by New York Times Magazine writer Deborah Solomon about his new art book, The Object of Beauty, and the audience found it so boring that the Executive Director of the 92nd Street Y gave them their money back. Martin wasn’t pleased, and he said that catering an interview to the audience’s wishes is akin to “an actor responding in Act III to an audience’s texts to ‘shorten the soliloquies.’ ” Before I attack Steve Martin, I’d like to say that I am declaring today’s blog theme to be “The Celebrity Narcissist.” Here’s what Steve Martin doesn’t understand: It’s not that the audience is too low-brow for a discussion on art. It’s that everyone and their mother thinks of Steve Martin as an actor and a comedian, so obviously when you sell tickets to an event where he’s being interviewed, the kind of people that attend that event do not want to hear Steve Martin wax-on about his love of art, and if If they were, I imagine they would have gone to a gallery opening instead. The fact that he doesn’t understand that means he’s been in his celebrity fishbowl way too long.
Today’s Rule: It’s Not a Curse if it Makes Sense
When I was young I took the time to write down every one of my pet peeves, in hopes that I would review the very long list later in life and discover that the little things no longer bother me. Unfortunately, the plan didn’t work. But in honor of my therapeutic effort, I will share with you one of the pet peeves on the list. Here goes — you are not allowed to call something a “curse,” if it makes sense. What do I mean? Alright, I’m going to keep this description short and sweet. Many people are referring to Jennifer Grey’s recent back surgery as a “Dancing With the Stars curse.” Gee, I wonder how celebrities on that show get injured. It’s so mysterious, and therefore worthy of some kind of magical explanation. Could it be that it’s a rigorous dancing show that casts amateurs with little to no dancing experience? And there you have it — a logical explanation.
Anne Hathaway and James Franco Will Host the Oscars — HUH?
I woke up from my long Turkey vacation to discover that Anne Hathaway and James Franco are hosting this year’s Oscars. When I first read this I had to check my calender to confirm that it was December 1 and not April 1, because this ridiculous decision has to be a prank, right? So what were the suits thinking? I can only guess, but here goes. Because Hollywood is so insanely focused on the ridiculous 18-35 demographic for ratings purposes, it only makes sense to choose two very young celebrities to host an aging awards show that is desperately in need of a pick-me-up. Anne Hathaway makes sense because she’s an A-list actress, and her previous performance with Hugh Jackman at the Oscars proves she can carry a tune for at least 10 seconds. As for James Franco — he’s a complete mystery. I read an article about how he’s a heartthrob, and how the students swooned over him during his appearance on Inside the Actors Studio, but I have no idea how that makes him worthy of hosting the Oscars. Also, I don’t mean to be rude — but I find the guy really boring in interviews. And furthermore, the Oscars should be hosted by a comedian. I realize that Hugh Jackman was incredible during his Oscar stint, but he compensated for the comedy by carrying the show with his own performances. Can Anne and James do that?
Argentina’s Dancing With the Stars — A Must See Strip Dance
This video was sent my way some time ago, and it unfortunately got lost in my inbox. Luckily for my readers, I’m still posting it. Because Dancing With the Stars is such a popular show, the idea is often copied in other countries, and one of those countries is Argentina. Argentina’s version is called Dancing for a Dream, and it pairs celebrities up with regular people to fulfill their fantasy. In this case, the “regular guy” had a fantasy of dancing with Maxim and Playboy model, Silvina Escudero, and when you watch the video below, I’m sure you’ll agree that his wish was granted. The dance is x-rated to say the least, and in case you’re at work and can’t watch it, I’ll spoil the surprise and tell you that he simulates oral sex on her. I’m sure my male readers (and some of my female readers too) will also be pleased to find that there are many close-ups of Silvina’s ass in a thong. Enjoy!
SILVINA ESCUDERO STRIPDANCE 25-10-2010
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Naturally Blond Actresses that Go Brown — Who Are They?
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again — the prettiest brunette will always be prettier than the prettiest blond. Am I biased? — Sure, but I’m the Dishmaster, and I’ll be biased if I want. To prove my point, I’ve compiled a list of actresses that were born blond, but decided to die their hair brown instead. Why? — Because they look better, of course. Enjoy!
SOFIA VERGARA — People often ask me who my girl crushes are, and Sofia is at the top of my list. She’s beautiful with a twist of sass. She confessed that she had trouble getting roles when she moved to the United States from Columbia, and she blamed it on her blond hair. Once she went brown, she began to book jobs, and the rest is history.
LEIGHTON MEESTER — Just to contradict myself, I’ll admit that Leighton Meester actually looks better as a blond. She died her hair for Gossip Girl, presumably because the producers already had the blond Blake Lively to play Serena, and they saw Leighton’s character as a brunette. She actually died her hair before the audition. I’m posting two pictures of her below, so that you can see the difference and judge for yourself.
JULIA ROBERTS — For much of Julia Roberts’ career I’ve wondered if she was a natural red-head or brunette. It turns out she’s neither. Her natural hair color is actually dirty blond, but she prefers to keep it brown. Personally, I’d like her to keep her red Pretty Woman hair forever, but I don’t suppose she wants to be play the same part for the rest of her life.
AUDRINA PATRIDGE — When I watched Audrina on The Hills, I noticed something strange about her appearance. She didn’t quite look right, and when my friend told me she’s a natural blond, it clicked. Like Leighton, she looks better as a blond. It’s a shame too, because I so badly wanted this post to be about how brunettes rule the world. But you can’t have everything, I guess. To see her with blond hair, click here.
ASHLEE SIMPSON — When Ashlee first broke into the business, she tried very hard to separate herself from Jessica Simpson. That included dying her hair brown, and dressing like a grunge rocker. It didn’t quite work, and she has since changed her image about 500 times. She recently went back to blond, so I’ve posted her with both hair colors. See what you think.
In closing, I’d like to confess that I took some liberties with the word “actress” in the title of this post. Please forgive me.
Heidi Montag Tells Cynthia McFadden she Regrets Plastic Surgery — Is She Lying? (video)
Heidi Montag sat down with Cynthia McFadden to discuss her insane plastic surgery, and she is singing a much different tune than she initially did. She says she did not feel properly informed by her plastic surgeon, who presented the surgery to her as if he was “selling cookies or something.” Though I’ve always found Heidi Montag moderately compelling, I have trouble believing anything she says. She and Spencer Pratt have masterminded cheap ways to keep their name in the press, and because it’s gotten so manipulative, I wonder if this interview is just another ploy to stay on the air. Although her plastic surgeon died in a car accident and is not alive to defend himself, he did encounter a lot of controversy immediately following Montag’s surgeries, and he said at the time that he didn’t think they were risky procedures and it’s not uncommon to do it all at once. If she’s trashing her dead surgeon’s name to extend her fifteen minutes, I imagine she’ll rot in hell. That being said, I’m in favor of trashing gratuitous plastic surgery. I’d also like to congratulate MTV, who might have had a hand in destroying her life, which they can add to their list of accomplishments, along with destroying Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey’s marriage. Hats off, folks! Watch the interview below. Perhaps she is being genuine.
Did You Know: Michael Crichton Created ER?
I came across this information today, and I had to post it. I confess that despite my inordinate amount of useless entertainment knowledge, I had no idea that Michael Crichton created ER. He created the series in 1993 while working with Steven Spielberg on Jurassic Park. Crichton said in an interview that he was shocked by the show’s success, but he attributed it to the real-life format, as a healthy alternative to the “Charlies Angelized” television shows that were on at the time. Crichton died of cancer in 2008 at the age of 66. The movies based on his books have grossed over $1 billion. That’s a lot of success for someone who died much too young.