Author: The Dishmaster

Mickey Rourke Admits His Megan Fox Film Was Terrible

Mickey Rourke admitted in a recent interview that his film with Megan Fox, Passion Play is “another terrible movie.”  When asked why he stars in “terrible movies,” Rourke said, “for the money.”  Though I often pick on actors for biting the hand that feeds them, I’ll make an exception for Mickey Rourke, who I deem a Hollywood badass.  If you’re going to whore out your craft for the money, you might as well own it.  And Mickey Rourke owns just about everything.

Ashley Judd Apologizes For Hip Hop Insults — Still Talks Way too Much

I’m aware that the tile of this post is hypocritical, considering just how much I talk.  But there’s something called word economy, and Ashley Judd is without it.  She apologized for her recent insulting comments toward P Diddy, Snoop Dogg, and hip hop music in general.  I’m posting the quotes below, and I hope your head doesn’t explode while reading them.  Can’t the woman just say, “I’m sorry for those stupid comments.”  You’d think she was writing a PhD thesis.  I get the feeling that she carries around a dictionary and circles words she thinks would make for fancy sentences.  I’ll give Ashley Judd the same advice I gave Scott Adams.  When in trouble, use the least amount of words as possible.  Get in and get out.  Read below.

  • “The general theme is to express my gratitude for a chance to learn, to be corrected where I was wrong, to make amends, and hold firm and strong on the original intention and context of the points I made, with a commitment to try to do so less clumsily and with more sensitivity in the future.  I am also aware that, no matter what I do, some will call me disingenuous and impute bad motives to me.”
  • My equivalent genres, as an Appalachian, an oppressed and ridiculed people, would be mountain music and bluegrass. Those genres tell the history, struggles, grief, soul, faith, and culture of my people.  In imagining how I would feel if someone made negative generalizations about that music, I am deeply remorseful that anything I may have said in All That Is Bitter & Sweet would hurt adherents of genres that represent their culture. This book is an act of love and service. Insulting people of goodwill is the antithesis of its raison d’etre.

Hanna: Movie Review

Hanna is a teenage girl raised by her father to be an assassin, and she’s spent her entire life in virtual isolation to avoid being killed by the CIA. For most of the film, it’s unclear why she and her father are wanted dead, and all we know is there’s a very beautiful woman in charge of the CIA mission (Cate Blanchett) and she has a specific yet ambiguous agenda. When Hanna’s father releases her to civilization, he’s prepared her for everything except social interaction. Sure she can kill five guys at once, but can she read an enemy? Can she figure out who to trust and who’s manipulating her? There are life lessons you just can’t teach, and it’s interesting to see Hanna navigate these obstacles. Even though the plot is thin, it doesn’t matter. It’s an artistic masterpiece. The soundtrack is by The Chemical Brothers, and the music combined with the well-choreographed action sequences — makes for an incredible movie experience.  My only complaint is the gratuitous violence.  While I have no problem watching 15 guys die simultaneously, once I’m attached to a character, there better be a damn good reason for their death.  That’s not the case in this film.  I often found myself hoping that someone would come to the rescue to avoid certain people’s deaths, but no such luck. Perhaps I’m just a sappy viewer that wants a Hollywood ending.  OVERALL RATING: DISHTASTIC

Tabloid Gossip — Week in Review

  • Tyrese says it’s expected for men to cheat, and Wendy Williams head almost exploded.  Bossip
  • Eva Longoria discusses her divorce from Tony Parker with Piers Morgan.  TV Squad
  • LeAnn Rimes posted a picture of herself in a bikini on twitter in the exact same pose that Brandi Glanville posted months ago.  Coincidence — or an attempt to take a jab at her Eddie Cibrian/her boyfriend’s ex-wife?  The Superficial
  • Matt Lauer may leave The Today Show.  Socialite Life
  • The Reviews are in — Your Highness gets destroyed.  The Stir
  • Tina Fey is pregnant with her second child.  The Frisky
  • Twilight’s Nikki Reed might be hooking up with American Idol’s Paul McDonald.  The Hollywood Gossip
  • Dancing With the Stars’ Karina Smirnoff is posing nude for Playboy.  People
  • Kate Gosselin is being sued by her marriage counselor for unpaid fees.  Ear Sucker
  • Lindsay Lohan Responded to Betty White’s slam.  Ace Showbiz
  • Jennifer Aniston hates dating.  Pop Eater
  • Selma Blair shows off her pregnant belly — and her horse.  Pop Sugar

Sidney Lumet Passed Away — I Weep for Cinema

One of our greatest directors has died, and when looking at his resume, it certainly doesn’t shock me that he gave us five of our greatest films in history, including: 12 Angry Men; Dog Day Afternoon; Serpico; The Verdict; and Network.  Television is a writer’s medium and film is a director’s medium. So the next time you find yourself loving a movie, take the time to look up the director of that film, and then Netflix every film that director has ever done. Actors often miss this point when selecting roles, and their career suffers as a result. Sidney Lumet was brilliant — and consistent.  In honor of his passing, and his gift to cinema, I’ve post a clip from 12 Angry Men below. They just don’t make them like he did anymore, and it makes me “mad as hell.” Goodbye Sidney.

 

Nicole Richie Isn’t Pregnant — But She’s Pissed

Have you ever congratulated someone on being pregnant, only to be embarrassingly told that you’re wrong?  It’s horrific, but the media has no problem doing it.  Nicole Richie issued a much-needed, scathing attack on the press today, saying that not only is she “not pregnant” but to “publicly point out a change in anyone’s body is mean-spirited and cruel.”  Kudos to Nicole for not only being smart enough to issue an articulate statement (unlike some other celebrities who will go unnamed), but for hopefully putting the kibosh on the practice of pointing out “baby bumps.”  Good thing I carry all my weight in my lower body and therefore don’t have this problem.  No one would dare ask me if I’m carrying a child in my ass.

MTV Gets Greedy — Picks Up Two ‘Jersey Shore’ Spin-Offs

For those of you who love Jersey Shore, today signifies the beginning of the end of the world’s greatest reality show in the history of television.  Whenever television executives hit the jackpot, they milk it to the point of exhaustion.  Such is the case with Jersey Shore, as MTV has officially picked up two spin-offs of the popular show, one following Snooki and JWoww’s post-shore antics, and the other following Pauly D on the road as a DJ.  While I’m certain those spin-offs will have traction, I’m also certain it will devalue the original series, and will inevitably hurt its ratings.  When you have a treasure on your hands, you don’t break it down and sell it’s parts — you protect it.  How about MTV come up with another original idea, instead of recycling an existing one?

Pia Toscano Leaves ‘American Idol’ — I Blame the Judges

If I cared about this horrible show anymore, I’d say this is the worst upset in American Idol history. But since I love pointing fingers, I’d like to take this opportunity to point my fingers directly at these terrible judges. If you watched the show last night, you might have noticed that the judges complimented every single person that performed. You know what happens when you don’t insult anyone? America has absolutely no guide — and it becomes a crapshoot. Actually — they did insult someone. They insulted their best singer — which was Pia Toscano, and now Pia Toscano is packing her bags. Specifically, they said she lacked performance quality. Even though that might have been true last night, they also neglected to give every other performer the same criticism (in addition to other, much deserved criticism). You cannot sit back on your throne complimenting terrible singers and expect America to get it right. Believe it or not, Simon Cowell’s criticism affected the votes, and that effect is missing on this season’s show. So good job guys. You have no one to blame but yourself.

‘American Idol’ is Terrible — Judges Say Nothing Negative

American Idol is absolutely unwatchable this season. The judges did not have one negative comment the entire show. How is that possible? Is the entire group going to have a successful music career? Are they already perfect? I’ve never missed Simon Cowell so much. He used to comment on issues outside the performances also, which these judges don’t do. Remember when Simon told Carly Smithson that she “needed to have a talk with the person dressing her at the moment — because she doesn’t look like a star.” Or how about when he told David Cook that his personality seemed “boring.” Is someone planning to tell Pia Toscano that unless she gets more of a personality, she’ll never make it in the business? It’s not just about voice, and even if it were, the judges would still be completely wrong. I’d point out every terrible performer on tonight’s show, but that would just be negative. And here at The Dishmaster I try to be positive.

‘Idol’s’ Jacob Lusk Sings ‘Man in the Mirror’ — Indulgent and Ridiculous

I think it’s safe to say that Jacob Lusk should start to pack his bags.  In case you missed his performance on American Idol tonight, I’ll educate you on his major misstep. In the video before his song, Jacob explained why he chose to sing Man in the Mirror, and he said, “if I end up in the bottom three it won’t be because I sang the song bad . . . it will be because everybody in America wasn’t ready to look at themselves in the mirror.”  No — I’m not kidding.  He actually said that.  I’m sure I don’t need to articulate why this is ridiculous, but I’ll do it anyways in case Jacob is reading this.  Jacob will go home tomorrow, not because I didn’t want to look in the mirror (in fact, I do that all the time).  He’ll go home because he butchered a Michael Jackson song.  I’d also like to add that Simon Cowell would never have let Jacob get away with that video. He would have mentioned it during his critique. This show is dead without him. Watch Jacob’s performance below.