Tabloid Gossip — A Full Week of Media Madness

  • Christina Ricci got married. WetPaint
  • Bruce Jenner wasn’t invited to Kim Kardashian’s engagement. DListed
  • Katherine McPhee is embarrassed she got caught cheating. ICYDK
  • Jersey Shore’s Pauly D is having baby mamma drama. LATimes
  • Kelly Clarkson got married. MTV
  • Kendra Wilkinson has a family feud. RumorFix
  • Lily Collins and Zac Efron are dating. Just Jared
  • Olivia Wilde & Jason Sudeikis are pregnant. PopSugar
  • Orlando Bloom & Miranda Kerr separated. CNN
  • Chris Brown got arrested. TMZ
  • 7TH Heaven isn’t so glorious after all. TMZ

Snooki & The Situation Done With Jersey Shore?

When a woman gets accidentally pregnant, there are many normal issues to consider. But when you’re on a hit MTV show and your entire career is predicated on partying, those issues become much more unique. And since there’s nothing funny about watching a mother get drunk and party, MTV is quickly planning for the future of their most lucrative enterprise, and they’ve therefore decided to phase Snooki out of their lineup. As for The Situation, there’s also nothing funny about watching a guy party when he has a known drug addiction. I sure hope those two clowns saved their money. It was fun while it lasted. Also — let this be a lesson to use birth control, especially when you have a few good years left on the biggest money-making-adventure of your life.



Jersey Shore Season 4 Trailer — is America Crying for Italy?

Once upon a time, I studied abroad in a European country that will go unnamed to protect the innocent parties involved. While there, I distinctly remember my class of neanderthals engaging in a beer chugging race on the beach. The locals were disgusted, and I thought, “that’s why they hate Americans — because they are gross.” Europeans might drink a lot, but they don’t exceed their tolerance, and they certainly don’t publicly vomit or openly scream profanities. The reason I’m on my high horse, is because I just watched the new trailer for Jersey Shore, and it’s tragic. It’s not that I’m a Jersey Shore hater, it’s just that I’m fully aware that this group of folks solidify the disdain for Americans. Having said that, I will watch every minute of the new season. It looks damn funny.

Get More: Jersey Shore, MTV Shows, Jersey Shore (Season 3), MTV Shows

Audrina Patridge’s New Show — A Poor Man’s Version of ‘The Hills’

Judging from the clip below, Audrina’s new show looks like another peak into the boring lives of depth-less television stars. My patience for reality television is seriously waning (with the exception of Jersey Shore, of course). In the video below, Audrina’s mother apologizes for her drunken rant on Dancing With the Stars, and Audrina completely blows it off and says she doesn’t care what other people think. I’m no expert on alcohol so I might be wrong on this, but her mother looks drunk in the clip, which is ironic because she’s apologizing for her drunken behavior. Am I to seriously believe that Audrina is completely fine with her mother’s actions, and they’re one big happy family? All signs point to no, and unless they plan on taping some kind of intervention for what appears to be alcoholism, I don’t believe a second of that video. Again, I have absolutely no idea if her mother has a drinking problem, but I’m almost certain that this is faux reality hogwash.

MTV Gets Greedy — Picks Up Two ‘Jersey Shore’ Spin-Offs

For those of you who love Jersey Shore, today signifies the beginning of the end of the world’s greatest reality show in the history of television.  Whenever television executives hit the jackpot, they milk it to the point of exhaustion.  Such is the case with Jersey Shore, as MTV has officially picked up two spin-offs of the popular show, one following Snooki and JWoww’s post-shore antics, and the other following Pauly D on the road as a DJ.  While I’m certain those spin-offs will have traction, I’m also certain it will devalue the original series, and will inevitably hurt its ratings.  When you have a treasure on your hands, you don’t break it down and sell it’s parts — you protect it.  How about MTV come up with another original idea, instead of recycling an existing one?

Jersey Shore Mystery: Why Do the “Grenades” Sign Waivers?

If you watch Jersey Shore, then you’re familiar with the term “grenade.”  Basically, it describes a fat, ugly chick.  The guys on the show (who sometimes refer to themselves as “M.V.P’ — for Mike, Vinny, Pauly), often bring home hot chicks to their house, and those hot chicks sometimes bring their girlfriends along, and those girlfriends are problematic “grenades.”   What’s curious is that anyone who appears on the show has to sign a waiver allowing MTV to put their face on camera.  So why would any girl in their right mind allow MTV to put their face on camera after the guys on the show lambaste their looks?  Here’s the answer.  The waiver allows MTV the right to use their footage, no matter what’s discussed.  Since these women aren’t aware of their “grenade” status when they sign the waiver, they must be pretty damn confident with their looks.  Note to self: If I ever get invited to the Jersey Shore house — DON’T SIGN THE WAIVER.

Jersey Shore’s Ronnie and Sammi — The Greatest Love Story Ever Told

There’s a fine line between love and hate, and it’s clear after watching last night’s episode of Jersey Shore, Ronnie Magro and Sammi Giancola have experienced both.  My favorite line was said by, as always, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, after Ronnie screamed at him for “violating guy code” by telling Sammi about Ronnie’s many indiscretions.  When Mike witnessed Ronnie trashing Sammi’s stuff, he said, “Ronnie got pissed at me for guy code . . . it’s like . . . where is general human code?”  Watch the love affair below.  If only a man loved me enough to throw my bedroom set on the patio.  Such passion!

Am I Too Old for ‘The Real World’ or Does it Just Suck Now?

MTV’s The Real World has been deteriorating for years, and I often wonder if my new hatred for the show has to do with my age.  Perhaps I’m outside their target demographic, and I no longer find drunken fighting endearing?  But just before I sink into a self-loathing depression, I remind myself that I love Jersey Shore!  After all, nothing pleased me more than watching Snooki roll around on the floor in over-sized slippers while trying to punch Angelina in the face.  When Jersey Shore became popular, the cast of The Real World tweeted angry statements about how they weren’t invited to an MTV awards show and the Jersey Shore crew was.  Gee, I wonder why they weren’t invited?   There’s a simple answer here.  The cast of The Real World has sucked since Las Vegas, and no one wants to watch a bunch of soul-less neanderthals clean their toilet with their roommate’s toothbrush.  And I’m not the only person to think this.  The ratings have been steadily declining, and yet MTV is sticking with their ludicrous casting formula. So good luck, Real World.  Your tired franchise can only last so long.

Jersey Shore Season 2.5 — Filmed 5 Months Ago

The new season of Jersey Shore debuts tonight, and it’s been five months in the making.  Television networks usually try to debut the show relatively close to the time it was taped — but not MTV.  I’m guessing they taped the show during the summer in New Jersey (because it was warm) and decided to air it after the new year for ratings purposes.  Whatever the reason, I find it a bit annoying that it’s so delayed.  All of the press coverage regarding the show already occurred, such as Sammi quitting the show when she watched Ronnie cheat on her in Miami.  Hasn’t it been almost a year since Ronnie cheated?  Will this really be fresh news when the episode airs?  Alright, who am I kidding? I love Jersey Shore!

Dear Media, Stop Reporting Playboy Offers

Part of my job as a professional blogger is to read an insane amount of news daily.  In reading much of the mindless dribble, I constantly come across the same story — what new celebrity was offered money to pose nude for Playboy.  I’m sick of it.  Playboy whores out offers to celebrities daily, mostly because they’ll take just about any Z-lister to pose nude, because a naked “name” will increase sales for the magazine.  Even though Playboy knows that mostly all celebrities will decline the offer, they still email every news outlet on the planet to make them aware that the offer was made.  Why?  Because the offer alone, combined with a big name, equals promotion for the magazine.   It’s a cheap way to advertise, and enough is enough.  I’ve posted the latest stories below.

Jersey Shore’s JWOWW turns down $400,000 Playboy offer.  Pop Crunch

TV Reporter Ines Sainz declines naked Playboy photo shoot.  Huffington Post