Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey announced their engagement within days of one another, and Simpson insists that the timing is merely a “coincidence.” Here’s what I know about announcements in the press — they are never a coincidence. Remember when Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson announced their divorce on Thanksgiving day? Do you think that was because they actually decided on their divorce at that time, or because they knew the press-attack would be at a minimum because entertainment news staffers were all on vacation. These announcements are always calculated, and they usually come out weeks or even months after the actual event occurred. My guess is that Jessica became engaged at least one month ago, and Nick Lachey’s engagement pushed her camp into releasing the news earlier than expected. The press said she was “saddened” by the news, and she insisted she was happy for Nick She obviously jumped the gun on the announcement because she was so annoyed by her “lonely girl” image She should have waited, considering even an idiot knows that the close time-frame would lead to the engagements being lumped together. It’s in poor taste.
Song of the Day — Gone in the Morning — Newton Faulkner
I heard this song while watching Morning Glory, and I Shazamed it immediately. And please don’t lecture me on taking my movie out in a movie theater — I’m The Dishmaster — and when duty calls, I go to action! I’ve never heard of Newton Faulkner before, but I Groovesharked the album, and the whole thing is pretty darn good. Faulkner was born in England and he’s apparently most known for his guitar playing skills. Listen below.
Morning Glory Movie Review — It’s Glorious!!
Rachel McAdams is so likable in this film, I found myself wondering what Starbucks she frequents so that I can stalk her into a conversation. Creepy? The movie follows Becky (McAdams) after she gets fired from her job when her company downsizes. She then gets hired at DayBreak as an Executive Producer, where she’s responsible for revamping the show to save it from cancellation. She’s in need of a co-host, and she solicits Mike Pomeroy (Harrison Ford), a hard-news legend who was recently fired from his gig. Pomeroy protests, but Becky contractually forces him into it. Ford’s sour attitude makes everyone miserable, including his co-host, played by Diane Keaton. The banter between Colleen and Pomeroy is so hilarious, I’m secretly curious if their angry exchanges are loosely based on Today’s Kathy Lee Gifford & Hoda Kotb, who many speculate hate each other when the cameras are off. I’m excited to see Ford in this role, because he’s had some trouble transitioning from his action star status. The mans a great actor, and he doesn’t need to save the world from destruction in every movie. I would also like to give the writer (Aline Brosh McKenna) major props for the ending. I won’t give it away, but let’s just say you won’t see a character running to the airport to keep someone from leaving forever. Contrary to every other movie on the planet, this ending was a unique spin on a traditional plot point. Go see it. You’ll love it.
Why is Charlie Sheen Invincible in the Press?
There’s a lot of theories floating around on entertainment news shows about why Charlie Sheen seems to get away with his bad behavior. Many people blame CBS, saying that they would never fire Sheen for bad conduct because the television business is all about ratings, and Two and a Half Men is still a big hit on the network. Though I’d take just about any opportunity to bash network suits, I’m going to make an exception this time around. Charlie Sheen is still likable because he owns up to his behavior. He was recently caught doing drugs with a hooker in a hotel room, which didn’t come as a surprise since everyone already knows Charlie Sheen does drugs and sleeps with hookers. He’s never tried to snow the public by presenting himself as an upstanding, moral family-man. Look at Oprah, for example. She’s practically Jesus, and she’s openly admitted to drug use and having sex with a married man. Mel Gibson and Tiger Woods are unforgiven because they tried to dupe the public into believing they were flawless. If Tiger presented himself as a womanizer from the very beginning of his golf career, I think he would have ended up just as popular as he ultimately became. So what’s the moral of the story? You’re free to snort cocaine off a hooker’s stomach — just own up to it.
Billy Ray Cyrus Reminds Us He’s a Badass — Storms Out of Radio Interview
If there’s anything good that can come out of Billy Ray Cyrus’ divorce, it’s an image makeover. In recent years he’s been in the press because of Miley Cyrus, and he’s come off as a doting father who borders on naive. If you’ve been a country music fan as long as I have, then you remember the days of Achy Breaky Heart, when women swooned for the country music bad-boy. In a radio interview with Woody Johnson of Woody and the Wake Up Call, Cyrus got pissed when asked about his divorce and stormed out of the interview. I imagine Cyrus’ anger had to do with being promised prior to the interview that he wouldn’t be asked about his divorce, presumably to reel him in and then zing him with the question for ratings. It’s not an uncommon tactic, but it’s pretty disgusting if it’s true. Congrats to Billy Ray — let the bad-ass return.
Heidi Klum Cuts the Sleeves of Mondo Guerra’s Dress — Ruined it?
If you watched the Project Runway finale, you might have noticed, as Tim Gunn says, the judges were “smoking crack.” Nine Garcia and Michael Kors chose the wrong winner, despite Heidi Klum’s protests. As part of their deliberation, Garcia and Kors accused Mondo’s clothing of being “unwearable,” and Heidi insisted that she would wear the polka dot dress. Michael Kors then told Heidi that Mondo didn’t listen to his suggestion by “cutting off the sleeves” to avoid the model looking like a “polka dot sausage.” At the time I heard this, I thought Michael Kors was out of his mind. The dress was incredible, and Heidi kept her word by wearing it to an event. The problem? She cut the sleeves off!! Did Michael Kors successfully bully her twice? I realize that Mondo must adhere to Heidi’s request, but this ruined the dress. Look at the two pictures below, and tell me if you agree.
What Happened to Jessica Simpson’s Voice?
I cannot for the life of me figure out what happened to Jessica Simpson’s voice. When she first arrived on the music scene ten years ago, she could actually sing. Now, her voice is almost unrecognizable. My only guess is that she’s no longer as tightly managed, and she lost sight of how to properly sing. Listen to the two songs below. In the first song, she’s singing I Wanna Love You Forever, and it’s actually enjoyable. In the second, she’s singing her new Christmas song, My Only Wish, which is getting compared to Mariah Carey’s famous song, All I Want for Christmas. I’m less concerned about the blatant plagiarism and more concerned that it’s not listenable.
Matt Lauer Interviews Kanye West — Proves Matt Lauer’s a Prick
Matt Lauer is a gigantic douchebag. I’m glad I opened with that, because I’m often told to get to the point with my writing. He interviewed Kanye West and, though I’m not a fan of the often ill-tempered Kanye West, I completely agree with his complaints about the interview below. Lauer opened the interview with questions about President Bush, referencing Kanye’s famous statement, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” Kanye immediately apologized for his comment, stating that he thought it was wrong, and that he does not think President Bush is racist. But Lauer didn’t stop there. Instead of accepting Kanye’s apology and moving on to the next question, he continued to berate him, showing him another clip of the interview, and then asking Kanye to “look at his face.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again — Matt Lauer is a judgmental prick in his interviews, and there is absolutely no reason to harass Kanye after he already sincerely apologized for the comment. It was cheap and unnecessary, and I’m surprised Kanye’s people even agreed to this interview, considering Lauer is known for this kind of low-grade behavior. And if you think I’m defending Kanye because I’m a loyal fan, you’d be wrong. I often think he lets his temper overshadow his talent. Not this time, though. This time his rage is justified.
Gwyneth Paltrow Sings at the CMAs — Proves She’s a Contender
I’m the perfect person to judge Gwyneth Paltrow’s performance at the Country Music Awards. Why? Because I love country music, and I’m not a fan of the movie star/singer cross-over. Having said that, she was fantastic. You’ll often see actors try to sing in movies, and it’s obvious how over-produced the music is. But movie studios always prefer to have their actors sing in the movie, because they know the audience favorably responds. I usually hate the end result, but Gwyneth Paltrow is an exception. She can actually sing. And I’m not just talking about “passing the test.” She sang live at the Country Music Awards and she not only pulled it off, but she sounded fantastic. She was obviously nervous, which is understandable considering country music fans are often very particular about letting you in their club. Watch below.
Television Rule: You Can’t Bash a Show You Never Liked to Begin With — Hear that TV.com Glee Bashers?
I read a scathing review of this week’s Glee on TV.com and halfway through the review the writer disclosed that he hates the show. That brings me to my new rule about television critics: if you were never a fan of the show to begin wtih, then you don’t get the privilege of bashing it. Why? Because no matter what they do you won’t like it, which means you’re just a biased prick that likes to arbitrarily bash television shows for sport. It’s okay if it’s not your cup of tea. It’s not okay if you spend two pages of a review explaining why you hate the show, when it was never meant to appeal to you. In case you’re wondering, I did not come up with this brilliant theory on my own. I’ve spent many hours of my life watching television interviews (in training to become the next Barbara Walters), and Mariah Carey brought this up years ago while promoting one of her albums. She was asked if critics bother her, and she said that they only bother her if they are fans of her music, but didn’t like a particular album. She said there is one specific critic that has never been a fan, so no matter what she does he won’t enjoy it, which means it’s pretty senseless to take his critique seriously. And there you have it. Thanks to Mariah for the idea, and thanks to myself for expressing it in a genius way. Alright — my next post will be self-deprecating — I promise.