Matt Damon told a very touching story about meeting his wife, saying that he didn’t feel like going to a local bar in Miami while shooting Stuck on You, but it was worth it because his wife was his bartender that night, and they currently live happily ever after. He said the moral of the story is that “when you’re tired, suck it up and go to the bar because you might meet your wife.” I’d like to note that I too had a crush on a bartender once, only it didn’t end so happily. I distinctly remember showing up at his bar under the mistaken impression that he’d ask me out, only to discover him flirting with another girl the entire night. Apparently, I severely miscalculated the connection. My friend and I laughed the entire ride home at the humiliation. After all, if you can’t laugh at yourself — who will? Perhaps Matt Damon’s advice only applies to female bartenders? If that’s the case, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do to my parents. Maybe I’ll have better luck on the other team.
Category: General
Peter MacNicol Rescues Grey’s Anatomy — Ally McBeal Nostalgia Ensues
I was elated to hear Peter MacNicol joined Grey’s Anatomy. He was my favorite actor on Ally McBeal, and he hasn’t had a similar role in years. In recent Grey’s Anatomy episodes, he’s played a cold-hearted doctor, but series creator Shonda Rimes delivered in last Thursday’s episode, when MacNicol showed his emotional side and asked out a nurse he has a crush on. If I knew Shonda Rimes, I’d beg her to make him a series regular instead of just a guest-star, because I fear he only has a few episodes left on his contract. The scene I’m referring to is on minute 35 of the video below. Enjoy!
Vintage Movie Pick — Charlie Sheen’s ‘The Chase’
Amidst all of this Charlie Sheen nonsense, I couldn’t help but remember that he’s actually a decent actor with an impressive resume. Hopefully he’ll get back to it one of these days, instead of “winning” all over television. One of my favorite Sheen films of all time is The Chase, where Sheen plays a man on the run, after being wrongly accused of a crime which will land him in prison for 25 years. He has no choice but to take a woman hostage, and she’s conveniently very hot. I think you can guess what happens next. Get back to the acting, Charlie.
Phil Collins Quits Music — Will He Marry Billy Joel?
If you read my Billy Joel post, you might predict my reaction to Phil Collins’ recent announcement that he’s quit the music business. In a statement, Collins said, “I’m sorry that it was all so successful. I honestly didn’t mean it to happen like that. It’s hardly surprising that people grew to hate me.” He also said that he “doesn’t think anyone is going to miss [him].” Can someone please explain to me when musicians become such emotional cowards? I’d use the “P” word, but my father told me to stop cursing on my blog, and despite my suspicion that he actually doesn’t read The Dishmaster, I’ll err on the side of caution. Anyways, there’s something about massive success that breeds complacence, and I wonder if Phil Collins will live happily ever after with Billy Joel, who hasn’t written a new song in over a decade. For goodness sakes, Phil Collins sold over 150 million records, and the guy just quits? I’m aware that the today’s music industry is horrific, but that’s all the more reason to release new material. So Phil if you’re reading this — grow a pair — and write some music.
Tabloid Week-in-Review
- David Arquette was in a car accident. People
- Dianne Agron’s ex-boyfriend, Alex Pettyfer, may or may not be a psycho stalker. GossipCop
- Britney Spears gushed to Ryan Seacrest about her boyfriend’s body. DigitalSpy
- Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are fighting over their kids. Huffington Post
- Ryan Reynolds might have a new woman. Hollywood Life
- Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn might be getting serious. PopEater
- Fear not — Charlie Sheen’s goddess, Bree Olson, has returned to the mansion. Hollywood News
- Amanda Seyfried still misses her very yummy ex-boyfriend, Dominic Cooper. Gather
- Charlie Sheen is a Jew — the world makes sense again! Stuff
- David Birney denies Meredith Baxter’s abuse allegations written in her new memoir. E! Online
- Taylor Swift is dating Glee’s Chord Overstreet. EarSucker
- Courtney Cox has an amazing body. Celebuzz
Billy Joel Will Write Autobiography — How About He Write New Songs Instead?
When I read that Billy Joel will waste an inordinate amount of time writing an autobiography instead of writing new music, I became infuriated. I’m a huge Billy Joel fan, and it’s been over a decade since he’s written new music. In his recent Howard Stern interview, he said that he likes to write music without lyrics because adding lyrics would be like “painting a mustache on an already finished work of art.” Personally, I think that’s complete bull shit. And I’m not a alone. In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, Elton John said, “at the end of the day, [Billy’s] coasting. I always say, ‘Billy, can’t you write another song?’ It’s either fear or laziness. It upsets me. Billy’s a conundrum.” Judging from the Stern interview, Billy has some astounding fear of failure, and since he’s able to live off the money he’s already made, there isn’t any reason to overcome it. He’s no longer hungry (both literally and figuratively), and so his art suffers. And since I’m such a huge Joel fan — I suffer.
Kim Kardashian’s New Single — Proves Auto-Tune Doesn’t Work for Everyone
I recently went to a friend’s recording studio, where an upcoming artist was recording tracks for her new album. I was shocked to hear her terrible voice, at which point my friend assured me that auto-tune would save the day. When I heard the final version, I was shocked. We’ve all heard about artists using auto-tune, but I suppose I never fully understood the extend to which it corrects a voice. But before you start dreaming about becoming the next pop-star, I would encourage you to listen to Kim Kardashian’s new single below. Apparently, auto-tune doesn’t work for everyone.
David Spade Says Charlie Sheen’s “Goddesses” Are Just 7s on the Hotness Scale
When I watched the interview with Charlie Sheen’s “Goddesses,” I scratched my head with confusion and thought, “those chicks aren’t even hot.” In fact, Denise Richards blows them out of the water (I’m guessing both figuratively and literally). Apparently, I’m not the only person to notice. David Spade recently tweeted, “I think the word Goddess is being thrown around a bit loosely these days. I think the term is ‘a seven.’” David Spade might also be the right person to judge, especially considering his Hollywood hot-chick resume. At least he doesn’t have to worry about competing with Charlie Sheen for the same women. Watch below and judge the ladies for yourself. You’d think a million dollars an episode could get you better tail. Too crude?
Jessica Simpson on Simon Cowell’s X-Factor? I Vote Yes!
There’s something very sad about this season’s American Idol — and I’m not referring to the loss of Simon Cowell (though that pains me as well). It’s the loss of Paula Abdul. There needs to be a beautiful, somewhat ditzy woman on the panel, who makes you tune in to see what crazy things she’ll say. Since re-casting Paula Abdul would likely damage the new brand that X-Factor is trying to present, it only makes sense to cast someone similar. Jessica Simpson is perfect! Like Paula, Jessica Simpson has had a huge career, most notably with her fashion empire. And also like Paula, Jessica has trouble expressing her point, and often comes off ridiculous in interviews. She’s certainly more together than the often slurring Abdul, but I predict that Simpson’s interplay with Simon Cowell would be television magic. Plus, I have a special attraction to woman with gigantic boobs and I’d like to see her outfits every week. After all, I’m a Kinsey 2.
American Idol Recap — The Judges Are Crazy
I admit that this season’s American Idol is like a train wreck I can’t turn away from. Every time someone performs, I yearn for Simon Cowell, especially when the judges are elated with a wretched performance. Where is Simon to call these performers “indulgent” and “boring.” As an example, I’m posting a video of Haley Reinhart, whose performance was so cheesy, I thought that she might have practiced it in front of a mirror imagining she was in a strip club. I hate to be so rude, but watch below and judge for yourself. Too mean?