Golden Globes Recap: Don’t “Shh” Me at Your Viewing Party!

Dear everyone — When attending a Golden Globes party at someone’s house, please be aware that the invitation said “party” for a reason.  If you want to hear everything that is being said during the show, then please stay home and sit in your own personal silence.  But when you rudely yell out “shh” to the other guests while they are mingling, you’re the asshole.  Not me.

Golden Globes Recap: Angelina Jolie Refuses to Laugh

There are two certainties in life: 1) Ricky Gervais is damn funny, and 2) Angelina Jolie has no sense of humor.  I really want to like her, and I promise I’ve made a serious effort to change my opinion over the years.  But when the cameras cut to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, and only Pitt is laughing, I can’t help but wonder what Angelina’s problem is.  The only explanation is that Gervais ragged on her film, The Tourist, but that certainly doesn’t explain why her costar, Johnny Depp, was also seen laughing.  Is Depp just a better sport?  Here’s my advice to the actors that get made fun of — if you don’t think it’s funny, then use your acting skills to laugh anyways, otherwise the viewing public just sees you as a humorless curmudgeon.

UPDATE: Angelina Jolie can laugh after all. Click here

Christina Hendricks Posed For Playboy — She Wasn’t Naked — No Scandal

There’s a lot of buzz on the internet about Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks’ “Playboy past.”  Can I just say that unless she’s naked, there’s no scandal.  She’s in a bikini in a highly air-brushed and artistic photo-shoot, which is less revealing than if she was photographed by Paparazzi on the beach.  I’d also like to say that, despite the viewpoint of my highly conservative friends, Playboy is not a scandalous magazine.  There’s no longer a need to hide it under your couch cushions, and it’s certainly okay to take it to Starbucks and read it for the articles.  Isn’t it?  Perhaps that’s why I get such strange looks while I’m drinking my coffee.  To see the “scandalous” pictures, click the link below.

CHRISTINA HENDRICKS — PLAYBOY — THE SMOKING JACKET

Kanye West Tries to Be Funny With Britney — Can’t Catch a Break

I’m actually starting to feel sorry for Kanye West.  When Britney Spears’ new song knocked Kanye out of  the number one spot, he tweeted her, saying, “Yo Britney, I’m really happy for you and I’mma let you be #1, but me and Jay-Z single is one of the best songs of all time.”  Apparently, Kanye West is not allowed to make fun of himself, because no one has a sense of humor, including Britney Spears.  Spears’ manager, Adam Leber, replied to Kanye’s tweet, saying, “Thanks for “letting” us be #1. Much appreciated.”  Can we all stop picking on Kanye West please?  Enough is enough.  The guy made a mistake, and his mistake actually catapulted Taylor Swift into super stardom.  Also — give the guy permission to make a joke for goodness sakes.

Marissa Jaret Winokur Leaves The Talk — My Prediction Was Correct

I hate being right sometimes.  I know that sounds sarcastic, but I really do hate being correct when it involves someone’s job.  About a month ago, I wrote a post about how Marissa Jaret Winokur might be fired from The Talk, as she’s rarely ever seen on the show.  It’s now official.  Marissa and CBS “mutually parted ways.”  I actually really liked Marissa on the show, but I know about Hollywood head-counts, and where fat can be trimmed — it will be trimmed.  Plus, it is absolutely ridiculous to have that many panelists on The Talk.  Without Winokur, there are still five women, one of which also needs to go.  I won’t tell you who though, because here at The Dishmaster, I try to be positive.  After all, someone told me last night that I “come off as very negative,” and because I’m actually an inherently positive person, I refrained from telling him to “go fu*k himself.”

Dear Donald Trump — Stop Casting Reality Stars on Your Reality Show

The new cast of Celebrity Apprentice has been announced, and I’m disappointed. Though it might be interesting to if Richard Hatch (Survivor) and NeNe Leakes (The Real Housewives of Atlanta) can actually make intelligent business decisions, I’m sick of reality shows recycling reality stars. These shows basically provide a mosh-pit of recycled fame-whores that are looking to extend their fifteen minutes of fame to twenty minutes. Keep in mind that I’m not a realty-television-hater, but there’s a lot of people in the industry who were actually famous for a talent, and who are looking to resurrect their career. Those are the people who should be selected. Forgive me if I don’t want to see the douchey Jake Pavelka on Dancing With the Stars.

Maroon 5’s Album is Incredible — I’m Sorry, Adam Levine

If you follow my blog, then you would know how often I pick on Adam Levine for his annoying personality.  In my most recent post on the topic, I claimed to stop listening to his music based solely on this terrible personality.  Well, even The Dishmaster can eat crow.  Thanks to Grooveshark, I was able to listen to his entire new album, Hands All Over, before buying it — and it’s incredible.  I’ll repent for my sharp tongue by actually purchasing the album.  Who says I’m immature?

What Happened to the Smart Superheroes? — Is ‘Good Will Hunting’ the End?

I watched Good Will Hunting for the fiftieth time last night, and something occurred to me. Matt Damon’s character was an intellectual superhero. He didn’t have a batsuit, and he certainly couldn’t stop a train with his bare hands. His likability was based solely on smarts. There’s a scene in a bar where Ben Affleck hits on a girl, and a Harvard graduate makes him feel stupid. Damon comes to the rescue on his best friend’s behalf, but instead of punching the guy in the face in a well-choreographed fist-fight, he intellectually belittles him, and says “you dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a fuckin’ education you coulda’ got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the Public Library.” So here’s my question — would you rather date Will Hunting or Spiderman, and have there been any intelligent superheros since? If you take that rubber suit off, do you think Batman even knows how to multiply?

Jim Carrey’s is the Black Swan on SNL — Confirms He’s Brilliant

I’ve never been a massive Saturday Night Live fan. I didn’t stay home on Saturdays in high school to watch it, and I never find myself actually laughing out loud at the skits. But when Jim Carrey appeared as the Black Swan, I almost choked on my apple (alright — it was potato chips — I don’t eat apples but I thought I’d lie for just a moment). When I first saw Black Swan I was moderately impressed, and then I talked to this guy at work who waxed-on about how terrible it was. He convinced me. I’d tell you why, but I haven’t figured out how to write my review without spoiling the entire movie. So in an effort to express my point without ruining the film, please watch the skit below, because Jim Carrey explains it so I don’t have to.

Did Britney Spears Rip-Off The Bellamy Brothers? — NO!!

The Bellamy Brothers accused Britney Spears of ripping off their song, and their claim is laughable.  I’ve definitely accused artists of ripping off other artists on my blog, but that’s certainly not what happened here.  The only similarity involves one lyric, and I won’t even repeat it because I’m too lazy to look it up.  First of all, the best way to get your washed up name in the press is to mention someone more famous than yourself.  In fact, perhaps I should sue Britney Spears for ripping off the song that I sing in the shower every day.  Oops — I sing Britney Spears music in the shower — so that doesn’t work.  As an aside, Britney’s new song is predictably amazing, so listen below.  And since I’m feeling generous, I’ve decided to also post the Bellamy Brother’s song, despite the obvious hypocrisy of giving them attention.