Here’s my advice to Taylor Swift: if you can’t make fun of yourself, everyone else will. It’s best to get a head start. Watch the joke below.
Late last week, Lohan’s lawsuit was dismissed. US District Judge Denis Hurley ruled that the lyrics are a protected work of art under the First Amendment, and that even though the song was created and distributed to make a profit Lohan’s name was not “used for ‘advertising’ or ‘purposes of trade’ within the meaning of the New York Civil Rights Law.”
In Pitbull’s countersuit, his attorneys asked the court to sanction Lohan for filing a frivolous claim. The judge did not find Lohan’s suit to be frivolous, but he did impose a $1,500 fine on Lohan’s Long Island attorney, Stephanie G. Ovadia, for an “affront to the court,” — the briefs she filed were plagiarized from various sources. The judge said that “the vast majority of the opposition appears to have been taken from other sources without any acknowledgment or identification of those sources.” Moreover, while trying to defend or excuse the plagiarism, Lohan’s attorney made certain representations to the court that the judge found to be “undoubtedly false.”
In a smashing display of grace under fire, the Long Island attorney – who hired another attorney, Pery Krinsky, for the sanctions motion – tried to blame an attorney from Queens for the plagiarism, submitting that the Queens attorney acted as co-counsel for Lohan in the suit against Pitbull.
When reached for comment; however, the Queens attorney said he was not co-counsel for Lohan. “I do not believe in blame games,” he said, adding that he filed papers with the court that affirmed he was not co-counsel. “My affidavit clearly says that I was not an attorney for her.”
There are at least two lessons to be learned here. One, rap is an art, so don’t hesitate to express yourself. Two, Lindsay Lohan should not be allowed to choose her own attorney.
Rather unceremoniously parted ways with CBS after an infamous 60 Minutes segment about George W. Bush going AWOL during his Vietnam-era stint as an Air National Guardsman. The September 2004 story was based on photocopies of memos criticizing young Bush’s performance, but the documents were widely debunked as fake. CBS commissioned an independent investigation of the debacle and Rather, among others, was faulted for failing to properly vet the documents. Rather left CBS in 2006, after 43 years with the network.
At first, Rather apologized for the incident, saying that CBS news could no longer vouch for the authenticity of the documents. But he eventually changed course, indicating that CBS was too quick to fold and proclaiming, “Nobody has ever proven that the documents were not what they purported to be.” On September 19, 2007, Rather sued CBS for $70 million, alleging breach of contract and fraud, but one of New York State’s Appellate Divisions dismissed the case in 2009.
Now, Rather is on tour promoting his new book, Rather Outspoken: My Life in the News. A large part of the book deals with his departure from CBS and his ongoing tirade against what he perceives as the corporatization and trivialization of American journalism. In the book he says that CBS chief Leslie Moonves has a “spine of Jell-O.” In Rather’s opinion, while Moonves is a great asset to the entertainment division at CBS, he has undermined the strong history of CBS news. He also describes Katie Couric, who anchored the CBS Evening News from 2006 to 2011, as “News Lite.” On a prior occasion, he opined that it was a mistake to try to bring the “Today show ethos” to the CBS Evening News, and to “dumb it down, tart it up in hopes of attracting a younger audience.”
When Dan Kurtz recently asked Rather to appear on his CNN show Reliable Sources, Kurtz received no response. Kurtz talked about Rather on his show anyway, and he asked the question that many of us our wondering, “Why is Dan Rather still pushing and defending this story, this discredited story?”
Some sources says he has spent more than $5 million on his crusade. As a sage friend of mine pointed out, if he would have just dropped it, people would have long forgotten about the Air National Guard incident. So why won’t Dan Rather take my friend’s advice and just drop it?
Could it be that he is simply carrying a chip on his shoulder after his fall from grace? Or maybe he was forced to endure years of corporate and political limitations on his journalistic freedom while working for CBS, and after he left his post he is now free to cry out.
Whether he is a zealous champion of real American journalism or a stubborn, 80-year-old Texan (or both!), his actions do seem to ensure that he will not soon be forgotten. While his ratings towards the end of his CBS career lagged behind those of NBC’s Tom Brokaw and ABC’s Peter Jennings, his dogged tenacity and borderline liberal conspiracy theories may ensure that his Wikipedia entry is more oft-viewed than either of them.
The only tabloid story I hope dies a painful, hell-ridden death, is the Jennifer Aniston/Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt love-triangle. It’s over, and the only people who can’t seem to move on is the media. And by “media” — I mean Chelsea Handler. In a recent interview, Handler took an unnecessary swipe at Jolie, saying she’s not a girl’s girl, and “she doesn’t strike [her] as someone [she] would have a close friendship with.” Though I appreciate her candor, she has to know that her comments will inevitably resurrect the love-triangle stories, and since she’s friends with Jennifer Aniston, I would imagine she’d be trying to do the opposite. It’s inappropriate.
When Democratic “strategist” Hilary Rosen said that stay-at-home mother Ann Romney “never worked a day in her life,” a firestorm emerged. Predictably, she has now apologized, saying, “As a mom I know that raising children is the hardest job there is. As a pundit, I know my words on CNN last night were poorly chosen. I apologize to Ann Romney and anyone else who was offended. Let’s declare peace in this phony war and go back to focus on the substance.” First, I wasn’t aware that “pundit” is another word for asshole. Second, I love how the offender always wants to declare “peace.” I’m The Dishmaster! There’s no peace until I say so!
Axl Rose has the most expensive grudge in the history of America. Despite media pressure and fan pleas, he has openly rejected the idea of appearing at the Guns N’ Roses Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Here’s what he had to say:
“I respectfully decline my induction as a member of Guns N’ Roses to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. “I strongly request that I not be inducted in absentia and please know that no one is authorized nor may anyone be permitted to accept any induction for me or speak on my behalf. Neither former members, label representatives nor the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame should imply whether directly, indirectly or by omission that I am included in any purported induction of Guns N’ Roses.”
Here’s a translation for that ridiculous explanation: Axl Rose is a big baby. It’s absolutely astounding to me that Axl’s grudge toward his bandmates has basically cost him close to the billion dollars he stands to make on a reunion tour. Perhaps he should have a conversation with The Police or Simon and Garfunkel about burying the hatchet in the name of money. And in case you’re wondering about the history of Axl’s insanity, I’ll remind you of a very famous story for your reading pleasure. Once upon a time, Stephen Adler (the former drummer for the band) had a girlfriend named Adriana Smith. Axl wanted some sex noises on his song, “Rocket Queen,” so he invited Adler’s girlfriend to the studio and recorded himself having sex with her. Needless to say, when Adler found out — he wasn’t pleased. Listen below.