If you click on the “about me” section to the right of this post, you’ll see my mission statement, in which I declare an end to internet bullying that I see elsewhere. Today’s culprit is Radar Online, who accused Lady Gaga of having a “muffin top and a belly roll.” The evidence for their disgusting claim is based on an unflattering photo of the singer in a slouched position. First of all, every woman on the planet knows that the crouched position is never flattering. Second, can the editor of Radar Online please pose in a speedo so that I can circle his own muffin top? I realize that Gaga invites this by wearing promiscuous clothing, but does the Radar editor hope to see a stick thin woman? Evidence suggests that men who favor stick-thin women are closet homosexuals. And if you’re wondering where I got that scientific data, it’s from TheDishmaster.edu. Look it up.
Author: The Dishmaster
Russell Brand Won’t Get Pre-Nup — Hollywood Divorces Taught Him Nothing
Russell Brand revealed that he won’t be getting a pre-nuptial agreement for his upcoming marriage to Katy Perry, because he’s “trying to preserve and make it a beautiful thing.” Call me a cynic but just about everything is beautiful until things go sour, and half your fortune is gone. Perhaps Brand can learn a thing or two from Hollywood marriages gone wrong. My favorite fortune-squandering story involves Sam Simon, one of the three original creators of The Simpsons. Simon was married to Jennifer Tilly for seven years, and they officially divorced just two years after The Simpsons aired, which means that Tilly gets half of Sam Simon’s royalties for the rest of her life. When asked by Howard Stern whether it drives him nuts that she gets half, Simon simply said, “it is what it is, and there is nothing I can do about it.” Simon is less guilty than Russell Brand though, who already has his fortune going into his marriage with Katy Perry. Translation? Brand should know better.
Kim Kardashian Parties With Perez for Her Birthday — Did she Forgive Him?
There’s something very interesting about the photos from Kim Kardashian’s 30th birthday party — Perez Hilton is there. Perez Hilton has often bashed the Kardashian sisters on his blog, once going so far as to call Khloe Kardashian an “ugly amazon.” So does she have a forgiving heart, or is she hoping to stay close to Perez to keep her name on his website? I surmise it’s the latter. And the Kardashians aren’t alone. Demi Moore once threatened to sue Perez for child pornography when he posted pictures of her young daughter’s ass on his website. Perez then countered with a defamation threat. You wouldn’t guess that by the twitter love between the two. Demi posted a twit-pic of herself in a bikini, and Perez responded with a pic of himself a speedo. Demi playfully retweeted his pic, saying, “I think I started a trend.” Did she forgive him too? And what about Lindsay Lohan? Perez often attacks her on his site, yet Lohan had no problem attending his birthday bash, and getting her picture taken with him. Nothing says forgiveness like getting your name mentioned on a high-traffic blog.
Tabloid Review — This Week in Celebrities
- Camille Grammer’s new show, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, exposes Kelsey Grammer’s affair with now girlfriend, Kayte Walsh. Astrochicks
- Mel Gibson’s baby mamma, Oksana Grigorieva, has hired a grand total of 39 lawyers in her fight against Mel. TMZ
- Neil Patrick Harris welcomes twins. The Hollywood Gossip
- Dina Lohan is looking to Kris Jenner for parenting advice. Hollywood News
- Rosie O’Donnell defends Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg’s choice to walk off The View. Popeater
- Jessica Simpson new boyfriend has finalized his divorce. Huffington Post
- The CW released a promo for Tim Gunn’s Gossip Girl appearance. TV Fanatic
- Jon Gosselin continues his fight to keep his children off television. D Listed
- Christina Aguilera is apparently a lesbian. The Superficial
- David Arquette had his post-marriage-fling, Jasmine Waltz, fired as the face of his new club. The Blemish
- Something very strange is going on with Mariah Carey. ICYDK
- Colin Farell and his Baby Mamma have broken up. Socialite Life
- Nick Cannon and Chelsea Handler are in a twitter fight. Zap2it
- Tyra Banks is being sued. Bossip
- Shia LeBeouf threw coffee on a paparazzo. Celebslam
- Kendra Wilkinson is leaving her husband, Hank Baskett to move back to Los Angeles. Hollyscoop
- Vince Vaughn defends his gay joke. The Fab Life
- Bret Michaels is disappointed he wasn’t chosen as a new American Idol judge. Limelife
Jenny McCarthy Continues to Diss Jim Carrey
Jenny McCarthy loved to talk about Jim Carrey while they were together, and she still loves talking about him while they are apart. You would think that when they broke up Jim was done having his relationship splashed across tabloids. McCarthy’s latest confession is that her current fling with James Toohey is the first time she has been “open and truthful” in a relationship. This reminds of Sarah Silverman’s confession that her current boyfriend is the “first guy to tell her she’s pretty,” followed by a subsequent denial that she was taking a dig as Jimmy Kimmel in the press. Is this seriously necessary? You don’t see Jim Carrey doing an Oprah interview discussing how his relationship with Jenny was “no longer fun anymore.” Do you notice that it’s always the less famous person who spills the relationship secrets?
Broadway Star Sues Over Crabs Allegation — At Least It’s Not Herpes
Broadway star Marty Thomas is trying to locate the evil tweeter that wrongfully divulged his case of crabs on the social networking site. According to Thomas, he has never had a sexually transmitted disease, and the allegation has a negative effect on his career. First of all, since crabs isn’t permanent, is this reaction really warranted? When I first read the story I thought, wow, that really sucks for him, I guess he’ll have to shave all his pubes off. I’m not sure that’s the kind of thought process that warrants a defamation law suit. At least the evil tweeter had the courtesy to think of a curable disease.
Is Taylor Momsen Insane — Revolver Cover Says Yes
I’ve officially moved Taylor Momsen from the celebrity-bad-behavior category to the celebrity-mentally-disturbed category. What does that mean? It means I’m done picking on her. There was a time when Britney Spears was mentally unstable and I also felt sorry for her, instead of rooting for her downfall. That’s the only explanation for Momsen’s picture on the cover of Revolver Magazine, and I therefore think it’s time for the press to back-off and let her begin a recovery process. It’s no fun throwing tomatoes at the nutty chick (at least not in Dishmaster land). I just don’t understand why people are still giving Taylor Momsen paychecks, especially the folks over at The CW, who continue to employ her on Gossip Girl. And the Revolver folks should be ashamed of themselves for preying on the mental instability of a 17 year old girl. I also think that Britney Spears’ father should call Momsen’s parents to instruct them on how to get their daughter back on track. To see the cover, click below.
Katherine Heigl Explains Hot Tub Incident — I Already Love Her
Katherine Heigl has been on image control mode lately, and she’s already improved my view of her. She was taped talking to some cops while in a skimpy bikini, because an annoying neighbor kept screaming at Heigl and her husband while they were hanging out in their hot tub. The major news though, was how Heigl looked in her bikini, and Heigl responded to the story saying, “my boobs look ridiculous.” I thought her disclosure was particularly funny, considering she does have very large boobs. Heigl also added, “I just love it because it’s the only scandalous, interesting thing that we’ve ever had to talk about.” Nothing improves your approval points like a skimpy bikini. Perhaps Obama should wear one next?
Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar Walk off The View — Act Like Children
Bill O’Reilly appeared on The View, and when the subject of the mosque came up, O’Reilly insulted President Obama for not publicly denouncing it. When Behar and Goldberg insisted that the mosque was okay because “this is America,” O’Reilly said that 70% of Americans don’t approve of the mosque, especially because “Muslims killed us in 9/11.” His statement outraged Goldberg and Behar, who insisted that it was Muslim extremists and not Muslims who are responsible for 9/11, and O’Reilly said, “aren’t Muslim extremists considered Muslim?” His response caused Behar and Goldberg to walk off the set, which seriously pissed off Barbara Walters (who I often call “the Queen”). Walters said that they should be able to discuss issues without her co-hosts screaming and exiting the set. I agree. For goodness sakes, isn’t it Walters that interviewed Fidel Castro? Should she have bludgeoned him with a stick during the interview? I imagine that Behar and Goldberg will get a serious tongue lashing from Walters, who previously scolded Hasselbeck for the same thing during a discussion on abortion, which angered Hasselbeck so much that she ripped up her flashcards during the interview. Watch the heated exchange below.
Maksim Chmerkovskiy Teaches Brandy by Slapping her Ass? — Sign Me Up
Alright, the title of this post is a bit misleading, because I’m about to actually insult Maksim, but I’m torn between being repulsed and turned on. The very hot Maksim Chmerkovskiy danced the Samba with his partner on Dancing With the Stars, and part of his “teaching method” included slapping her on the ass. When Len Goodman pointed out that it was extremely inappropriate, Maksim got defensive and the two argued back and forth. I’m uncertain how this actually made it into the package, considering it doesn’t portray them in the most flattering light, and the producers should probably scold him for it. Isn’t this supposed to be a fun, dancing show? Since when did these professionals start taking themselves so seriously? Is he going to start beating her with a stick next? Watch below.
UPDATE: When asked about the controversy, Brandy said she “likes the spanking,” because “it gets [her] going a little bit.” As a high school teacher once told me, “it’s only sexual harassment if it’s unwanted.” Oops — did I just confess that?