Author: The Dishmaster

Oprah Won’t Save Soap Operas — Bad Decision

Devastated fans inundated Oprah’s message board with pleas to save their favorite soap operas. Oprah denied their requests via YouTube video, saying that “the bone marrow truth” is that there are just not enough people who are home in the daytime to watch them.” Though Oprah’s theory is true, she’s still missing a gigantic point. Oprah’s new network, OWN, has a different ratings standard, and if her shows had the same ratings as All My Children at the time of cancellation, it would be considered a huge success. Let me break this down for fear that I’m being unclear. Major networks have a higher ratings standard for their shows. What’s considered good ratings in cable, is considered horrible ratings on a major network. For example, All My Children had 2.6 million viewers at the time of cancellation. Oprah’s viewership for her OWN shows averaged 310,000 an episode. Basically, Oprah would thank her lucky stars for those ratings. Not only would she look like a hero for saving those shows, but she’d also carry an existing audience to her network. Translation? — Save the soap operas!.

Tabloid Gossip — Week-in-Review

  • LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian got married.  Backseat Cuddler
  • Denise Richards says that she and Charlie Sheen are “not in the best place.”  Music and Mischief
  • Rihanna and Usher are reportedly hooking up.  Hollywood Life
  • Charlie Sheen told his fans to “help him get his job back.”  Radar Online
  • Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Aniston might be dating again.  In Case You Didn’t Know
  • Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christenson are back together.  Just Jared
  • Jerry Seinfeld and Donald Trump are in a fight over President Obama.  Huffington Post
  • Ali Landry (the girl that Mario Lopez cheated on during his bachelor party) is pregnant with her second child.  Good for her.  Celebrity Cafe
  • Oprah has rejected pleas to save All My Children.  Pop Crunch

 

    Sarah Shahi Insults Paris Hilton on Twitter — Tacky?

    Fairly Legal star Sarah Shahi has a thing or two to learn about managing her Hollywood career. She used twitter (also known as the PR death-trap) to air her anger toward Paris Hilton, after Hilton cut her off while driving. She wrote, “Paris Hilton — worst driver ever. Almost hit me, then ran a stop sign. What if there was a kid around that corner, you dumb b-tch. Paris Hilton—horrible excuse for a human being. What an irresponsible person…what a lame existence.” First, the only reason Sarah Shahi’s name is in the paper today is because of Paris Hilton, and not Sarah Shahi, which means Shahi should probably send Hilton some flowers to thank her for Shahi’s much-needed attention. Third, if being a bad diver makes you a “horrible person,” then I’m going straight to hell. And lastly, someone is a “horrible human being” in this story, and I’m not sure it’s Paris Hilton.

    Kris Jenner Calls Khloe Kardashian Fat — Seriously?

    If you follow the Kardashians (don’t judge me), then you know that Khloe Kardashian is constantly blaming the media for her body image issues. Judging from a recent episode of Khloe & Lamar, the media is not to blame — her mother is. Kris Jenner told Khloe that she’s ruining their QuickTrim brand by being fat. First, if my mother said that to me I’d kill her. Second, I’ve actually seen Khloe Kardashian in person and I was seriously confused. The girl is skinny. In fact, I’m pretty sure she’s skinnier than the very curvy Kim Kardashian. It’s time for her to stop blaming the media for all her image issues and start blaming her family. Further Reading: Kris Jenner Cheated on Robert Kardashian — Let the Book Sales Begin!

    Jesse James to Write Tell-All — Sandra Bullock Furious?

    Jesse James is set to write a tell-all book, and rumors are circulating that Sandra Bullock is furious. When word first broke of Jesse James’ affair, I was floored, and I thought he’d immediately start the career-cleanup process. He remained under the radar throughout his entire Sandra Bullock relationship, and it wasn’t until he appeared on Celebrity Apprentice that I thought he might be fame-hungry. Judging from how he’s handled their split, and what he’s done since, I’m guessing he’d rather torch his public image than save it. After all, if everyone’s staring at you, why not put on a show for them? This memoir is just another reason to hate him. If he writes about his marriage to Sandra, then he’s capitalizing on her fame, and if he doesn’t — the book disingenuous and pointless.

    Mel Gibson Finally Speaks — Still Doesn’t Get it

    I really want to forgive Mel Gibson. I promise I do. I’m Jewish, and his original, bigoted mess offended me, but I believe in second chances. I’m even willing to go see his movies again on one condition. He has to be genuinely contrite, and he has to have learned his lesson. Judging by his recent exclusive interview with Deadline Hollywood, he isn’t and he hasn’t. I can tell he’s in a lot of personal pain from the interview, but I can also tell that he’s still not ready to accept full responsibility. To be fair, when asked if he feels regret over the tapes, he responded with “of course,” but he also said that he’s “never treated anyone badly or in a discriminatory way based on their gender, race, religion or sexuality — period” and that the tapes were “edited.” He said that he was in the “height of a breakdown,” and what he said “doesn’t represent what [he] truly believes, or how [he’s] treated people his entire life.” I have trouble making sense of his point, especially since using bigoted language is unacceptable, at the height of a breakdown or not. The breakdown explains it, but it doesn’t justify it. Gibson seems to continuously argue that his actions and words are different, instead of just outright admitting that his words were reprehensible. He needs to just say, “what I said was horrific, and I’m working on myself to figure out where that hatred came from.” My last piece of advice for Mel Gibson is to sit down with Barbara Walters. She’s the master of career clean-up, because she asks the right questions and withholds judgment. It’s a really bad idea to do an interview for a website, which requires a lot of reading, and where you’re unable to be seen on camera looking genuine. Gibson is a charismatic guy, and if I’m wrong and he’s truly contrite, that will be clear on camera. Lastly, this interview was way too damn long. My brain started to hurt toward the end, especially since almost half of it was about his new film, The Beaver. He shouldn’t clean up his image while promoting a movie. Image-cleanup needs to appear agenda-less.

    Music Spotlight On: Vampire Weekend

    I recently discovered Vampire Weekend, but I’m told by musician friends that “they’re huge.” After looking them up, I seem to be the only person that didn’t get the memo. Their debut self-titled album reached #17 on the Billboard 200, and their song, A-Punk, was voted the fourth best song of 2008 by Rolling Stone magazine. Their second album, Contra, reached #1 on the Billboard 200. The indie rock band formed in 2006, and its members include: Ezra Koenig; Rostam Batmanglij; Chris Thomson; and Chris Baio. Perhaps I like them so much because the lead singer, Ezra Koenig sounds strikingly similar to Paul Simon. I told this to my musician friend, insisting that my discovery means I have a “musical ear.” He shook his head in disapproval saying, “it’s pretty obvious they sound alike.” Listen to White Sky and Holiday from their second album, Contra, below.

    Should Jennifer Lopez Leave American Idol?

    Rumors are circulating that Jennifer Lopez will leave American Idol at this season’s end, and it’s a great idea. As soon as X-Factor premieres American Idol is done, and JLO is way too business savvy to stay with a sinking ship. She jumped on board a cash-cow at the exact right moment, and I’m certain she’ll flee the ship right before it sinks. The only issue is that she’s likely to leave American Idol for another reality show, which will certainly irreparably damage her brand. Reality television is where stars go to die, and Simon Cowell’s brain-children are the only exception. Either leave American Idol for X-Factor, or return to the movie business.

    Real Housewives Jill Zarin Promotes a Liquid “Face-Lift” — Brain-Lift Too?

    I’ve spoken out against plastic surgery in Hollywood numerous times, but Jill Zarin’s recent admission of a “liquid face-lift” has infuriated me to the point of commenting again. First, I won’t directly insult her new face, but I am fundamentally against removing wrinkles, which in turn removes all character in one’s face. Basically, it looks bizarre. Perhaps I’ll feel differently in a decade, but having a completely pulled back look with no forehead-wrinkles reminds me of a zombie. It’s not hot, and it needs to stop. It’s also disturbing how Wendy Williams tells Zarin that she’s taken “eight years off her face,” and the audience claps. What exactly are they clapping for? Are they encouraging women everywhere to look like porcelain dolls?

    Foo Fighters Album is #1 — Congratulations, Dave Grohl

    Anyone who knows me is aware that I’m secretly in love with Dave Grohl. This isn’t because I’m some insane Foo Fighters or Nirvana fan, it’s simply because I’ve read a lot of Grohl interviews and listened to him on Howard Stern. I think the guy is brilliant. He’s openly discussed the pain he felt after Kurt Cobain’s death and he’s navigated the Courtney Love disaster with an incredible amount of class. Also — he’s a rock star who doesn’t do drugs. That means if my fantasy were fulfilled, I’d get the sexy man with none of the baggage. So I’d like to take the opportunity to extend a major congratulations to the Foo Fighters for their album hitting number one. It’s their first number one album of their career, and they even knocked Adele off her slot. These guys deserve it.