Of all the names thrown around to replace Charlie Sheen, Ashton Kutcher is by far the best. Though I’m unsure anyone can rescue a show that lost it’s star, Kutcher is certainly worth betting on. First, he’s a social media superstar, which will help people get excited about the transition. And second, he’s a television titan. In recent years, Kutcher has made a valiant attempt at a movie career, which has fallen flat. Some actors just aren’t meant for the movie business, and Kutcher is one of them. He’s a Television star who hit it big on ‘That 70’s Show,’ and something tells me he’ll hit it big again on this one. Plus, he’s getting paid bank, which makes his decision a win-win regardless of the outcome.
Category: General
Cher Admits Struggle With Chaz Bono’s Sex Change
For a gay icon, it’s pretty brave of Cher to admit her personal struggle with her daughter’s sex change. She was brutally honest in a recent interview, saying she was “traumatized” after hearing her daughter’s old voice on an answering machine, because she knew she would “never hear that voice again.” She also said she was terrified to see Chaz after the surgery, and it’s still difficult to use the word “him” when referring to her child. This might be a good time to admit my undying love for Cher. She’s completely unafraid to reveal intimate details about her life in the press, yet she’s still able to maintain the majority of her private-life. It’s a delicate dance, and she executes it perfectly.
Jesse James Bashes Sandra Bullock to Piers Morgan — Gigantic Douchebag?
Allow me to start this post by saying I’ve been in a lot of relationships with total douchebags, and I still don’t discuss the full extent of their douchebaggery. Why? — Because I’m a lady — and I have some class. And since I’m certain Sandra Bullock is nowhere near the douchebag that my exes were, can someone please explain what exactly is wrong with Jesse James? In a recent interview with Piers Morgan, James implied that Bullock was insincere about her love for him. When asked about Bullock’s public claim that her work improved after they met, James said that she “gave that speech at four different awards shows.” If that’s true, then why did he sit in the audience in his monkey suit with tearful eyes while accepted her Oscar? Here’s the bottom line: divorced or not, there’s a certain level of respect that you give the people you spent part of your life with. There’s a code — and he’s broken it.
Sarah Michelle Gellar Hates Buffy Reboot Idea — Wasn’t Her Show a Rip-Off Too?
Sarah Michelle Gellar has trashed the idea of remaking the film, ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’, saying, “I think it’s a horrible idea. To try to do a ‘Buffy’ without Joss Whedon, I mean that’s, like, honestly, to be incredibly non-eloquent: that’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. It was a movie. It’s been made. It stars Kristy Swanson. They made it. They don’t need to make another one!” Um . . . am I missing something? If Sarah Michelle Gellar’s objection is that the remake idea is unoriginal, one could say the exact same thing about the television show that made her famous, since it was based on the original film. Furthermore, the original film was terrible, so I’m not sure why there’s such an objection to executing a famous concept with a better writer.
Movie Review: ‘Water For Elephants’
There are times when I have absolutely no constructive criticism for a movie gone awry. This is one of those cases. To put it simply, the movie is boring. Jacob Jankowski plays a veterinary school student whose final exam is interrupted by the news of his parents death. Lost and sad, he randomly boards a train out of town. As it turns out, he hopped a circus train, and he swings a job shoveling manure for the circus until the head trainer, August (Christoph Waltz), promotes him to be the veterinarian. While tending to the animals, he sees Marlena (Reese Witherspoon) and immediately falls in love. Marlena returns his affection, but since she’s married to August, and August is a tyrant, they can’t be together. That’s the story in a nutshell. I couldn’t figure out if this movie was supposed to focus on the circus or the love story. If it was meant to focus on the circus, then it’s done poorly. There’s not nearly enough content about the show itself to stay engaged or entertained. Sure, it’s interesting to see someone acting like a soulless prick while trying to keep a business afloat, but there has to be more than that to keep a film afloat. And if the film is meant to be a love story, I’d recommend that the director take a day watching and re-watching The Notebook, because this feels like a poor man’s version of that. Additionally, Rob Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon have zero chemistry.
OVERALL RATING: DISHSATISFIED
‘The Voice’ Will Be Two Hours Now — Gigantic Waste of Time?
I’ve never in my entire life watched a one-hour show and thought, “you know what would be really great — if this show was two hours long.” In fact, I often find myself infuriated when I’m forced to fast-forward through a large portion of Celebrity Apprentice, presumably because the producers think the show is so fantastic that they refuse to edit out the extraneous material. ‘The Voice’ is hopping on board the piss-off-The-Dishmaster train, by expanding their one hour show to two hours. I imagine that since the ratings are great, they want to use the show for all its worth, thereby maximizing their ad revenue. Here’s the problem — adding an hour fatigues the viewers and inevitably sacrifices the quality of the show. When you get greedy, you lose your cash-cow.
Jennifer Lopez Hates Haley Reinhart’s ‘Earth Song’ — Is Chris Judd to Blame?
I received a call from a friend tonight who keenly smelled a rat after watching Jennifer Lopez attack Haley Reinhart’s rendition of Michael Jackson’s ‘Earth Song.’ Lopez said that even though the song was “inspiring,” she needs to think about the competition itself when she performs, followed by a condescending use of the word “baby.” Since Jennifer Lopez consistently avoids criticizing the contestants, her comments were suspicious. As it turns out, Lopez’s first husband, Chris Judd, is directly connected to Haley’s song. In 1997, Judd performed the song with Michael Jackson during Jackson’s German tour. So did Lopez project her bad memories onto poor little Haley, who got a verbal ass-whooping? It’s unclear, but here is what I know for sure — the judges are terrible. Watch Haley’s performance below, and watch the second video to see Chris Judd with Michael Jackson (he appears at the eight minute mark).
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Jennifer Hudson Stands up Oprah — Behind the Scenes Footage Revealed
The only show on Oprah’s new network, OWN, that is getting the proper attention, is the behind the scenes footage of Oprah’s CBS show. That makes sense, especially because Oprah works best as an on-air personality, instead of a development executive. I’m not quite sure what she’ll do with this new gem when she goes off the air, but I’m sure she’ll think of something similar. Because I love when celebrity-bad-behavior gets exposed, the Jennifer Hudson drama is my favorite clip so far. In a nutshell, Jennifer Hudson was scheduled to appear on Oprah, and after showing up for the sound check, she flew out that night to perform at a private party. Because of a blizzard, her return flight was delayed. Basically — She stood up the Queen. Oprah and her team were extremely pissed — and rightfully so. You don’t schedule an Oprah appearance and then book a private party just so you can make some extra money in between. It’s risky and unprofessional. Judging from the clips below, she learned her lesson. Click to watch.
Jennifer Hudson Stands up Oprah
Oprah Scolds Jennifer Hudson
Movie Review: Thor
I’ve been delaying this movie review for as long as possible, because it’s been hard to process my feelings about the film. When I left the theater, I was convinced I didn’t like the movie. In retrospect, I think my complaints are a bit more specific than an overall dislike.
The movie opens with Odin waging war against the Frost Giants of Jotunheim to prevent them from conquering the nine realms, including Earth. The Asgardians seize their source of power and the Frost Giants attempt to retrieve it just before Thor (Odin’s son) is about to ascend to the throne. When Thor travels to Jotunheim to confront their leader, an all-out war erupts, and Odin is forced to intervene. Because Thor is unapologetic and arrogant about his actions, Odin exiles him to earth, in hopes that he’ll learn his lesson.
Before I continue, I’d like to confess that I ripped that entire plot off from Wikipedia, because I had absolutely no idea what was going on for the first twenty minutes of the film. That’s either because I have a pea-sized brain, or because I was not familiar with the story before entering the film, and it wasn’t properly executed for comic-book novices such as myself. Regardless, that opening scene was simply too long. The real fun of the film begins when Thor is banished to earth, and he becomes a fish out of water.
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Paula Abdul to Judge ‘The X Factor’ — Simon Cowell is a Genius!
Simon Cowell isn’t just a genius because he can spot talent in the industry, he’s a genius because he can spot talent for his own show too. When Paula Abdul left ‘American Idol,’ Simon Cowell mentally checked out of the show. He knew it was downhill from there, and he therefore gracefully finished out his contract before departing. He also knew that he was sitting on a gold mine. He knew that if he could trounce ‘Pop Idol’ in England with ‘The X Factor,’ he could do the same to ‘American Idol.’ He has a personal investment in killing those shows because he owns ‘The X Factor,’ which means the show’s success puts a lot more money in his pocket. When the stakes are that high, the man better be careful about who he chooses for the show. According to Deadline, he’s chosen Paula Abdul. It’s not official in the press yet because, even though Abdul’s deal is “closed,” she has yet to sign on the dotted line. At this stage in the contract negotiation, it’s fair to say we’ll be seeing her on the show. Despite the media criticism about Paula Abdul, she was an essential component of ‘American Idol’s’ success, and she had great chemistry with Simon Cowell. I therefore give him major props for the choice.
UPDATE: IT’S OFFICIAL!