There’s a lot of theories floating around on entertainment news shows about why Charlie Sheen seems to get away with his bad behavior. Many people blame CBS, saying that they would never fire Sheen for bad conduct because the television business is all about ratings, and Two and a Half Men is still a big hit on the network. Though I’d take just about any opportunity to bash network suits, I’m going to make an exception this time around. Charlie Sheen is still likable because he owns up to his behavior. He was recently caught doing drugs with a hooker in a hotel room, which didn’t come as a surprise since everyone already knows Charlie Sheen does drugs and sleeps with hookers. He’s never tried to snow the public by presenting himself as an upstanding, moral family-man. Look at Oprah, for example. She’s practically Jesus, and she’s openly admitted to drug use and having sex with a married man. Mel Gibson and Tiger Woods are unforgiven because they tried to dupe the public into believing they were flawless. If Tiger presented himself as a womanizer from the very beginning of his golf career, I think he would have ended up just as popular as he ultimately became. So what’s the moral of the story? You’re free to snort cocaine off a hooker’s stomach — just own up to it.
Category: Television
Television Rule: You Can’t Bash a Show You Never Liked to Begin With — Hear that TV.com Glee Bashers?
I read a scathing review of this week’s Glee on TV.com and halfway through the review the writer disclosed that he hates the show. That brings me to my new rule about television critics: if you were never a fan of the show to begin wtih, then you don’t get the privilege of bashing it. Why? Because no matter what they do you won’t like it, which means you’re just a biased prick that likes to arbitrarily bash television shows for sport. It’s okay if it’s not your cup of tea. It’s not okay if you spend two pages of a review explaining why you hate the show, when it was never meant to appeal to you. In case you’re wondering, I did not come up with this brilliant theory on my own. I’ve spent many hours of my life watching television interviews (in training to become the next Barbara Walters), and Mariah Carey brought this up years ago while promoting one of her albums. She was asked if critics bother her, and she said that they only bother her if they are fans of her music, but didn’t like a particular album. She said there is one specific critic that has never been a fan, so no matter what she does he won’t enjoy it, which means it’s pretty senseless to take his critique seriously. And there you have it. Thanks to Mariah for the idea, and thanks to myself for expressing it in a genius way. Alright — my next post will be self-deprecating — I promise.
Private Practice Rape Episode — I Object
I have a lot to say about the much publicized Private Practice rape episode, so get comfortable. I have been watching television for most of my life, because it’s an escape. It’s meant for entertainment. It’s meant to take me out of my own world and put me in another. I understand that there are many ways to entertain a fantasy world, but I don’t think any of those ways should include acting out rape on television. It’s unnecessary, and it’s a very easy way to go. KaDee Strickland promoted the episode on The View, where she said that she was honored to play the part, and that she spoke with many rape victims so that she could accurately portray the scene without offending anyone. I don’t disagree that it was accurate, respectful, and risky. But that’s not the point. The point is that Shonda Rimes (the creator) makes very easy choices to produce the emotions she hopes to produce. That includes giving characters cancer, killing off a man with a young daughter, and finally — getting someone raped. You might think it was brave to write this episode — but I don’t — I think it was easy. There’s a very loathed writing practice that they tell you about in film school, and it’s called “kick-the-dog.” In a nutshell, it means that writers often execute the very cheap tactic of letting the audience know that a character is bad, by having that character kick a dog. It’s easy and looked down upon because there are many other more creative ways to inform the audience about a character, and having him kick a dog is an easy way out. I consider Shonda’s writing to fall within the kick-the-dog umbrella. Think of another way to create emotion, and another way to create drama.
Do Celebrity Fragrances Stink up Hollywood?
Celebrity fragrances are on my list of Hollywood no-nos. I can’t decide which is a more money-hungry endeavor: creating a fragrance or releasing a “auto-biography” written by an uncredited ghost-writer. I understand that movies don’t pay what they used to, and I also understand that everyone is entitled to a little extra cash. That being said, I still find it extremely off-putting to create a fragrance — probably because it reeks of desperation (pun intended). For years, celebrities refrained from endorsing products in commercials, for fear of hurting their brand. Stars like Tom Cruise, only endorsed products overseas, because Americans looked down upon it. But times have changed, and actors have replaced models in commercials and on the covers of magazines. And after it slowly became okay to discuss laundry on television, it’s also became okay to be the 500th celebrity to create a fragrance, in hopes of just free raking in some free cash (and it’s a lot of cash). But is it worth it? Isn’t it still important to keep your brand intact?
Audrina Patridge Eliminated Early From DWTS — I Blame Tony Dovolani
Every single time someone prematurely gets eliminated from a television competition, people speculate that viewers assumed the contestant would be safe, and therefore didn’t vote. This conspiracy theory includes Audrina Patridge and Tony Dovolani, who were eliminated from Dancing With the Stars, despite Audrina’s very obvious talent as a dancer. So what’s the real reason she was eliminated? Well, it isn’t just about talent alone, and I’m surprised I have to explain this after so many seasons of the show. It’s about the personality of both the professional dancer and the celebrity, and without a strong combination, they’re doomed. There’s a reason that the same professionals win every year, and it isn’t luck. On Monday’s show, Tony Dovolani further confirmed his disdain for the judges, and I think it was enough to piss off the voting public. When the judges told Audrina that she “lacked passion” on her face, Tony said that he knew the judges missed it, but he’s certain the viewers at home saw it and will vote for him. Big mistake. Don’t insult the judges. Neither Tony nor Maksim Chmerkovskiy have won Dancing With the Stars, and both of them have a history of talking back to the judges. America wants to see that you are deserving of the trophy, which includes being able to accept criticism. Until then — you’ll continue to lose — no matter how talented your partner.
audrina2 7 @ Yahoo! Video
Was Marissa Jaret Winokur Fired From ‘The Talk’? — All Signs Point to Yes
There’s something very suspicious going on over at CBS. The network’s new talk show, also known as a rip-off of ‘The View,’ started off with six hosts, and now their down to five. So who’s missing? It’s Melissa Jaret Winokur, who was announced as a co-host and then mysteriously disappeared after day two. So was she fired? All signs point to yes. Leave it to Hollywood executives to debut a television show and sack a co-host with no explanation. Did they think that no one would notice? If they did, they were right, because no other bloggers seem to be inquiring about her departure, which is either good news or bad news for ‘The Talk.’ I guess the two people watching the show didn’t notice that someone was missing. As an aside, this poor girl can’t catch a break. She was also allegedly fired from her hosting gig at Dance Your Ass Off, because the producers felt she was too overweight for the job. Come to think of it — she probably dodged a bullet. Something tells me ‘The Talk’ won’t be on the air for long. Further reading: Marissa Jaret Winokur leaves The Talk — my prediction was correct.
UPDATE: She’s still on the show, but I predict someone is going to get kicked off that show sooner or later. There is an unnecessary amount of women.
Kim Kardashian Confirms Reggie Bush Dumped Her — Airs Phone Call
I’ve watched many episodes of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and the clip below might be the only time I’ve ever seen “the real” Kim Kardashian. She’s constantly acting like a deer in the headlights, who is trying to navigate her crazy family. On the season finale of her reality show, she actually abandoned her ridiculous, soft-spoken baby voice to have a genuine conversation with her ex-boyfriend, Reggie Bush. Personally, I’m not sure it was appropriate to have the phone call aired on television, but if she chose not to air it, then she would just be adding to the list of fake episodes that she’s already filmed. Plus, Reggie Bush had to consent to having his phone call on television, which means I don’t exactly feel sorry for him. The biggest revelation in the video below, is that Reggie dumped Kim, despite her previous proclamation that it was “mutual.”
The Dirty Won’t Remove Naked Erin Andrews Pictures — Will Nik Richie Rot in Hell?
Erin Andrews is a warrior. Not only did she have a psycho stalker take naked pictures of her that ended up all over the internet, but she continues to fight every single website that keeps her photos posted. So when I read that she had her lawyer send a letter to TheDirty.com, asking them to remove the naked pictures of her, I assumed they would be taken down immediately. Why? Because no one is possibly that evil, right? Once a stalker-victim contacts you directly, wouldn’t your ounce of humanity kick in? Apparently, TheDirty.com, doesn’t believe in humanity, and they updated their post after receiving Andrews’ letter, to say, “are these the pictures your lawyer wants me to remove? I’m confused.” In case you’re not aware, TheDirty.com is run by Nik Richie, who is married to Shayne Lamas of The Bachelor fame. Lamas broke up with Bachelor Matt Grant, because “she thought she was marrying a banker, and then found out he really wanted to be a television host.” It’s nice to know Shayne found someone with better career standards. Congratulations on trading up.
Why I’m Not Watching This Season’s Apprentice
I confess that I’m an avid fan of competition television. I love Project Runway, and I’ve always looked forward to The Apprentice. When The Apprentice started to cast celebrities, I was first opposed to the idea, and then I started to watch it and immediately got hooked. I love seeing whether celebrities are actually capable of executing intelligent business decisions. The greatest surprise in the history of the show was Bret Michaels. Had you asked me what I thought of him prior to The Apprentice, I would have said he is “dumb as rocks” (Rock of Love pun intended). Then I saw him on Celebrity Apprentice, and he blew me out of the water (no Rock of Love pun intended). So when Trump announced that they would return to the original format of the show, and cast “regular people,” I was very disappointed. Last night, I tried to watch this season, and I turned it off twenty minutes in. I will attempt to explain my reason by using an analogy. Say you love ordering lasagna at Italian restaurants. Then, after years of ordering lasagna, you come to my house for dinner, eat my mother’s lasagna, and realize that you’ve been eating terrible lasagna your whole life. Once you’ve tasted gourmet, it’s over. Make sense? Why do I want to watch a bunch of nobodies taking themselves so damn seriously? At least when it’s ridiculous Hollywood types, I can justify it by saying they’ve been pampered for the last 15 years and can’t adjust to being bossed around. Alright, please feel free to use that genius analogy elsewhere — I won’t copyright it.
Tony Danza’s ‘Teach’ — The Best New Show on Television
I became interested in Tony Danza’s new show, Teach, after reading a great review on Reality Blurred. Last night, I finally took the time to watch the show, and it’s fantastic. Teach follows Tony Danza during his first year as an English teacher at Philadelphia’s Northeast High School. It’s less of a reality show and more of a documentary, and I think it accurately portrays the struggles of teaching. Danza has an instructor monitoring his class to give him teaching tips, and he’s always willing to learn. Because it’s Tony Danza I was particularly surprised at his investment in the job. That’s likely because I’m an egomaniac, and I imagine that if I was in the same position, and the students were talking back to me, I might yell out something like, “I don’t have to be here! I’m a Hollywood actor!” Not Danza though. He’s endlessly endearing and would not dream of taking his job for granted. Plus, these kids never watched Who’s The Boss, and even if they did, I’m not sure it would make much difference to them. I’ve attached the trailer below. If you want to watch more, click the link before the video.
TONY DANZA — TEACH