When pot-smokers ask me how I feel about the legalization of marijuana, I ask them if we should also legalize heroin. My response is followed by outrage, and just before I get the pot-smoker lecture on how marijuana makes them more productive, I flee. Apparently, I’m not the only person that thought of this. Watch the video below, to see comedian Nick Swardson’s very funny appearance on Chelsea Lately.
Oprah Interviews Michael Jackson’s Kids, After a Child Molestation Show
Oprah has been seriously annoying me lately. She’ll be interviewing Michael Jackson’s children, and the show will air on the Monday following her Friday show about child molestation. Oprah’s camp insists that the programming decision is merely a coincidence, which is no excuse. First of all, if your programmer can’t rub two brain cells together and realize that you shouldn’t air a child molestation show before you interview Michael Jackson’s children, then that programmer should be fired. Second, I find the interview highly inappropriate regardless of the poor programming decision. These are children, and their father died. Can you not wait until their 18 years old to interview them? And lastly, Michael Jackson was so overly protective about his childrens’ privacy, I imagine he’s turning in his grave.
Why Can’t George Michael Make a Comeback? — Can Simon Cowell Help?
There’s a rumor flying around that Simon Cowell might attempt to resurrect George Michaels’ pop career, and I’m thrilled if it’s true. George Michaels’ Faith album is one of the best in history, and the guy just can’t get it together again. You would think that if you have one incredible album in you, you’d be able to duplicate its success at some point in your life (hear that Alanis?). But Michael has always been plagued by his personal demons, and I imagine those demons are responsible for his demise. When he initially attempted a comeback, he appeared on American Idol, and the contestants sang a mash-up of his best songs before George Michael came out to sing his new single. The energy was immediately sucked out of the room when Michael sang a self-serving, preachy ballad, instead of his greatest song, Faith. Translation? It was a squandered opportunity. I’m not sure it would have mattered much, though, because I bought the album he was promoting, and it was terrible. It had none of the up-tempo, fun songs on Faith, and it quickly fizzled out. I think he needs some guidance, and there’s no one better than Cowell. For nostalgic reasons, I’ve posted Michaels’ Faith video below. Take the time to watch for the long legged woman leaning up against the jukebox. Just to brag, she’ s a close friend of mine, and in case you are wondering, her legs still look that good.
Why Doesn’t Sara Gilbert Discuss her Relationship on ‘The Talk?’
There’s something very annoying about CBS’ new show, The Talk, and it isn’t Leah Remini’s incessant yelling. It’s Sara Gilbert, who never openly discusses her relationship on the show. Gilbert is an executive producer and co-host, and you might remember her as Darlene Conner on Roseanne. She came out of the closet in 2010, and she has has been with her partner, Allison Adler, since 2002. So what’s my problem? Gilbert has not mentioned her partner once since the show began, despite every other panelist discussing their significant other. In fact, the premise of the show (besides being a blatant rip-off of The View), is that it provides a support system for mothers, because the ladies often discuss their personal struggles on the show. So wouldn’t it be appropriate for Gilbert to mention Adler? I understand that everyone finds their own way to talk about things, but if you join a talk show, and you’re not completely open about your personal life, I have a problem. If she isn’t ready to discuss it, then she shouldn’t have signed on to the show. Besides, this is a perfect forum for her to educate people on her personal life, and it could potentially help other same-sex couples with their own struggles.
Skating With the Stars — The Dumbest Idea Ever
I often like to take credit for being able to predict a show’s success. Why? Because I’m an ego-maniac, of course, and I will take any opportunity to pat myself on the back. When I saw the first promos for Dancing With the Stars a million years ago, I was sure it would be a massive hit. That being said, Skating With the Stars is a terrible idea. Everyone relates to dancing, whether or not they danced professionally. Even Snooki can fist pump to a beat (yes, I consider fist-pumping a form of dance). But needless to say, not everyone can related to ice-skating, and this idea failed in the past. Remember Skating With Celebrities? Oh right — you don’t remember it because no one watched the show. Plus, there are already injuries on Dancing With the Stars — so add some ice — and I imagine there will be an ambulance or two.
Robert Downey Jr. on Regis and Kelly — Very Funny (Watch)
Robert Downey Jr. Discusses Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen — Or Does He?
Robert Downey Jr. is either the greatest interview or the worst interview. When you piss him off, he’ll let you know. While promoting his new film, Due Date, on The Today Show, Meredith Viera asked him some very uncomfortable questions about his friendships with Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen, and Downey didn’t look pleased. He insisted that Gibson hired him when no one else would, and when asked what he would say to Charlie Sheen, Downey said, “whatever I would say to him.” There’s nothing that annoys me more than asking a celebrity about other celebrities during their interview. If you can’t land Mel Gibson or Charlie Sheen to interview, then why not ask Robert Downey, Jr. about them, right? How about next time Meredith asks Robert Downey Jr. about Robert Downey Jr.
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EXCLUSIVE: The Truth Behind the Morgan Freeman / B.J. Lawson Controversy
Many months ago, I exposed that Morgan Freeman is so in demand for voice-over work, he actually has a voice-over double who replaces him and no one knows the difference. It appears this may finally have bitten him in the ass. Morgan Freeman is pissed about B.J. Lawson’s political ads, because many think that it’s Freeman’s voice in the commercials. Freeman has publicly stated that it’s not his voice, and he doesn’t support the Republican candidate for Congress. I’m not sure if the voice-over in the B.J. Lawson commercial is actually Freeman’s voice-over double, but if it is, the guy is getting fired. I have to give credit to Lawson’s camp though. There’s nothing illegal about using a voice-over that sounds like Freeman, and since they never claimed it was Freeman’s voice, they got away with it. Perhaps Freeman will chuck his voice double and start working overtime now. Watch below.
UPDATE: It appears Lawson’s camp did say it was Freeman’s voice. I smell a lawsuit.
Good Morning America Interviews Randy Quaid — Shame on You ABC
Good Morning America interviewed Randy Quaid about his paranoia, and I find it disgusting. It’s obvious the interviewer thinks they are mentally ill, and yet has no problem preying on that mental illness by exposing it to America. Is this the new way to get ratings? Find someone with mental problems and nationally humiliate them? Quaid has been arrested multiple times and he currently lives in Canada because he “fears for his life” in the United States. I’ve posted the interview below, despite the obvious hypocrisy of doing so. It was a tough call.
Howard Stern on Les Moonves: “I Don’t Have to Suck his Balls”
Howard Stern went on one of his infamous tirades today, aimed specifically at Les Moonves and Joel Hollander. Hollander and Moonves ran the show while Stern was on terrestrial radio, and they both sued him for breach of contract when he left for Sirius satellite radio. Since the lawsuit, Stern periodically bashes the two bloated suits, and today’s bashing session started because Hollander actually said something nice about Stern in the paper. When asked what Sirius would do if Howard left when his contract ended, Hollander said, “Howard can do whatever he wants and be successful in any medium on any platform. But if I were a betting man, I’d guess that he’d stay.” Stern wasn’t pleased that Hollander complimented him, especially since he previously sued him. Stern remembered his meeting with Moonves and Hollander, when he confronted them with the lawsuit “with tears in his eyes.” I almost began to feel a little sad myself, until Stern ended his tearful recount with the statement, “I don’t have to suck Les’ balls!”