The very funny Whitney Cummings once told Howard Stern how annoying it is that actors think they’re funny just because they can read lines written by comedians. Judging by the new promos for this year’s Oscars, Whitney’s got a point. I have absolutely no clue why the Academy thought hiring two non-comedic actors to host an awards show would be a good idea, especially since even the greatest comedian has trouble keeping the audience entertained. Watch the extremely unfunny promo below, and try not to fall asleep.
Author: The Dishmaster
Dear Media, STOP Interviewing Michael Jackson’s Kids
I know there’s an insane interest in what Michael Jackson’s life was like behind closed doors, especially regarding his children. I also know that it’s very difficult to turn down an interview that will likely generate ratings. That being said, there’s still an underlying moral code that should be executed by the media, and there’s a definitive line in the sand when it comes to Michael Jackson’s children. First, while Jackson was alive, he was adamant about shielding his kinds from the media. He made his wishes clear, and it wasn’t until his death that we heard any of them even speak. Now, every media outlet wants an interview, including Oprah who apparently didn’t get the moral memo. Until they’re eighteen, I don’t want to hear from them.
Why Does the Academy Hate Leonardo Dicaprio?
Fans of The Dishmaster know my love for Leonardo DiCaprio. He’s extremely skilled at picking roles, and he consistently churns out quality performances. But despite his artistic and financial success, Dicaprio is consistently overlooked by the Academy. When you add up the amount of times he didn’t recieve a deserved Oscar nomination, you might shed a tear on his behalf. I suppose his wads of cash serve as a nice consolation prize, but the disrespect still infuriates me. The greatest example of this happened in 1997, when everyone and their mother got an Oscar nomination for Titanic, except Leonardo DiCaprio. DiCaprio skipped the Oscars that year, probably in silent defiance. Since then, he’s had numerous Oscar worthy roles, though the Academy disagreed. Examples include: The Aviator; The Departed; Blood Diamond; Revolutionary Road; Shutter Island; and most recently, Inception. So why do they hate him, and will they ever come around? I’m not sure, but perhaps Sean Penn will give him hope. When Sean Penn won the Oscar for Mystic River, he said, “I guess this proves it’s not a popularity contest.” If the actor most hated by the Academy can win, so can Leo.
Can Celebrities Stop Taking Naked Pictures While Pregnant?
When Annie Leibovitz photographed Demi Moore’s naked and pregnant body for the cover of the 1991 Vanity Fair magazine, it was considered an artistic masterpiece. It was a feminist statement, which told women everywhere that they could be both beautiful and pregnant at the same time. Plus, it was original. Annie Leibovitz is a fantastic photographer because of her unique creative vision. Since that shot, photographers and celebrities everywhere have copied the idea, and every woman under the sun poses naked while pregnant. It’s not that I don’t love a naked, pregnant body –it’s that I don’t love copycats, and it’s time to retire the idea. To see what I mean, click the links below.
Brooklyn Decker v. Jennifer Aniston — I’d Take Jennifer!
There’s a lot of hot-chick competition between Brooklyn Decker and Jennifer Aniston in their new film, Just Go With It, and the blogosphere seems to prefer Brooklyn Decker. Though I’m sure Jennifer Aniston is thrilled to be compared to any woman besides Angelina Jolie, I have to confess that I think Jennifer Aniston’s hotness factor reigns supreme. In fact, there’s no competition. Perhaps I’m just jealous of Brooklyn’s gigantic boobs, though. Nah — I want Aniston’s body . . . and hair (actually, my hair is awesome — I’ll just take the body).
Howard Stern Revolutionizes Twitter — Tweets Live Private Parts Commentary
Leave it to Howard Stern to revolutionize social media the moment he begins to use it. For those that don’t know, Howard Stern finally joined twitter despite his consistent whining about the social media tool. It’s only been a few weeks, and he’s already turned Twitter upside down. Stern tweeted minute-by-minute commentary while watching Private Parts on HBO, which gave viewers a rare, behind-the-scenes perspective of the film. His many gems included the revelation that Mary McCormick thought it would be funny to stand on the street with her fake pregnancy belly and smoke a cigarette, just to piss people off — it worked. Entertainment Weekly asked whether this is the future, and I think it’s fair to say that other celebrities will soon follow Stern’s idea. Good job, Howard. You never disappoint! To read his minute-by-minute tweets, click the link below.
Movie Review: Unknown
When Dr. Martin Harris (Liam Neeson) wakes up from a coma after his taxi driver spins off a bridge, he’s certain his wife is frantic, and he immediately leaves the hospital to find her. When he arrives at his hotel to find his wife, she doesn’t recognize him, and she’s with another man named Dr. Martin Harris. He’s convinced she’s being held against her will and forced to lie. He spends the rest of the movie trying to prove his identity and subsequently rescue his wife. So was his identity stolen, and did his wife play a part? You’ll have to watch the movie to find out. There’s certainly endless holes in the plot, but I can be a very forgiving viewer, especially when I’m on the edge of my seat for an entire movie. There is one part of the story that deserves a special mention, though. Diane Kruger plays the taxi driver, and it’s fantastic to see a female character that doesn’t stand on the top of mountain waiting for a man to rescue her. She kicked some serious ass. OVERALL RATING: SADISHFIED.
Celebrity Look Alikes: Colin Egglesfield and Tom Cruise
Did You Know: Jesse Eisenberg Acted in ‘The Squid and the Whale’
Jesse Eisenberg recently said that he doesn’t think his performance in The Social Network is the best of his career, as he feels like he’s “acted better in other things.” After reading this quote, I immediately looked up Eisenberg’s resume to figure out what he could be referring to. It occurred to me that he played the troubled son in the very underrated and moving film, The Squid and the Whale, and if you haven’t seen it — you should. Watch it below.
Cheryl Burke Upset With Paparazzi for Publicizing Her Weight Gain
Call me a heartless prick, but I love to see pictures of celebrities when they gain weight. It’s not because I enjoy the misery of others, it’s just that I’d like to believe that celebrities are sans cellulite because they have the time to spend the entire day doing squats. So when pictures emerged of Cheryl Burke in a bikini looking larger than she did on Dancing With The Stars, I found it comforting. I thought, “wow, Cheryl is a real human being that puts on weight during her breaks from the show. Maybe now I won’t feel so bad about my gigantic ass.” Unfortunately, Cheryl didn’t see it that way. Instead, she’s said that those pictures forced her to go on an extreme diet and the paparazzi basically ruined her life. So here’s my advice to Cheryl Burke: either get out of the kitchen or develop thicker skin (no pun intended). Sensitive people don’t belong in this business — it’s way too cutthroat.