The Dishmaster – Page 330

David Spade Says Charlie Sheen’s “Goddesses” Are Just 7s on the Hotness Scale

When I watched the interview with Charlie Sheen’s “Goddesses,” I scratched my head with confusion and thought, “those chicks aren’t even hot.” In fact, Denise Richards blows them out of the water (I’m guessing both figuratively and literally). Apparently, I’m not the only person to notice. David Spade recently tweeted, “I think the word Goddess is being thrown around a bit loosely these days. I think the term is ‘a seven.’” David Spade might also be the right person to judge, especially considering his Hollywood hot-chick resume. At least he doesn’t have to worry about competing with Charlie Sheen for the same women. Watch below and judge the ladies for yourself. You’d think a million dollars an episode could get you better tail. Too crude?

Jessica Simpson on Simon Cowell’s X-Factor? I Vote Yes!

There’s something very sad about this season’s American Idol — and I’m not referring to the loss of Simon Cowell (though that pains me as well). It’s the loss of Paula Abdul. There needs to be a beautiful, somewhat ditzy woman on the panel, who makes you tune in to see what crazy things she’ll say. Since re-casting Paula Abdul would likely damage the new brand that X-Factor is trying to present, it only makes sense to cast someone similar. Jessica Simpson is perfect! Like Paula, Jessica Simpson has had a huge career, most notably with her fashion empire. And also like Paula, Jessica has trouble expressing her point, and often comes off ridiculous in interviews. She’s certainly more together than the often slurring Abdul, but I predict that Simpson’s interplay with Simon Cowell would be television magic. Plus, I have a special attraction to woman with gigantic boobs and I’d like to see her outfits every week. After all, I’m a Kinsey 2.

American Idol Recap — The Judges Are Crazy

I admit that this season’s American Idol is like a train wreck I can’t turn away from. Every time someone performs, I yearn for Simon Cowell, especially when the judges are elated with a wretched performance. Where is Simon to call these performers “indulgent” and “boring.” As an example, I’m posting a video of Haley Reinhart, whose performance was so cheesy, I thought that she might have practiced it in front of a mirror imagining she was in a strip club. I hate to be so rude, but watch below and judge for yourself. Too mean?

Why is the Press Interviewing Charlie Sheen?

There’s a handful of celebrities I’ve retired from my blog, and Charlie Sheen is about to join the list. He’s currently doing a self-destructive press tour, and the media is thrilled. Why not interview someone when they’re hitting bottom? It makes for good television, right? Though Sheen now denounces AA, I don’t. That means he will have to forgive me for using the standard terms that he currently loathes. Sheen has clearly relapsed, and he’s a sick man. His behavior wouldn’t be so upsetting if it didn’t cause so many people to lose jobs. Because CBS shut down production of Two and a Half Men, many hard-working, under-paid employees are losing their paychecks, which is extremely sad. I feel sad for Charlie and I feel sad for the crew. That being said, the media needs to stop preying on a man when he’s clearly ill. Have some moral integrity.

John Galliano is a Bigot — How Did he Stay Employed?

Whenever it hits the press that a well-known, rich celebrity is a bigot, I’m immediately suspicious of every single person that has ever worked with the bigot. John Galliano, the chief designer for Christian Dior, was recently caught on tape spewing an anti-semitic rant, and it’s safe to say his career is now over. But what about the career of everyone at Christian Dior who continued to employ Galliano for years? Should they be held accountable? Did they know about this? I’m have no idea if they knew, but how could they not? Bigots are not very good at hiding their hatred, so it shouldn’t take long to figure it out. Dior suspended Galliano, but it’s convenient timing. Once the public got wind of the story, there was no other choice.

Anne Hathway and James Franco — Worst Hosts in Oscar History

I’ve never appreciated Hugh Jackman so much in my life. There’s something to be said for picking seasoned performers to host the Oscars, and it’s fair to say that Anne Hathaway and James Franco do not qualify. Their opening video package was terrible, as was Anne Hathaway and James Franco’s feeble attempt at jokes. At one point the camera panned to Anne’s mother in the audience, who told her to “stand up straight,” and I almost changed the channel. For a moment I thought Hugh Jackman might come to the rescue and do a number with Anne, but no such luck. Instead, Anne sang a parody of On My Own, in reference to Hugh backing out of their performance. It wasn’t funny, and it was instead extremely uncomfortable to watch. Despite popular belief, it’s not my style to tear people apart on my blog, but choosing these two to host the Oscars is simply inexcusable, and it needs to be said. They should not have been asked and they should not have accepted. There are a lot of seasoned executives involved in this decision-making process, and they should know better. I’m furious.

David Arquette on Oprah — Clears His Image

Let me begin by saying how much I adore David Arquette. He’s one of my favorite Howard Stern guests in history, and I appreciate his honestly in the press. Also, I recently talked to him at a party and he was extremely kind and down-to-earth. For those that know me well, you know that once you win me over, you’re on my favorite-person-list for life. Arquette interviewed with Oprah to clear up his image after his recent rehab stint. It was an extremely honest interview, with Arquette disclosing his tumultuous upbringing and the current state of his marriage to Courtney Cox. Though I understand why Arquette interviewed on Oprah for image cleanup, I certainly hope to see him back on Stern in the near future. The funny part about this is that Howard Stern constantly insults Oprah on his show, despite Stern’s admittance that he’s watches Oprah daily. Now if we can only get Howard Stern to appear on Oprah. That might make my head explode. Watch a part of Arquette’s Oprah interview below.

James Franco is a Jerk — Insults Ricky Gervais

Be careful James Franco. When you call the comedic mastermind that is Ricky Gervais “horrible” and say he “bombed” at the Golden Globes, you just set yourself up for disaster. First, earn your stripes before you start throwing daggers at such a successful comedian. Second, I’d like to place a bet that you and Anne Hathaway will be the worst hosts in Oscar history. And lastly, how dare you. Watch below.

Jennifer Lopez Cries on American Idol — Has a Heart After All

For years Jennifer Lopez has fought her difficult-diva-reputation in Hollywood. It’s impossible to decipher whether she’s actually a demanding celebrity, or whether she’s surrounded by a team of people with ridiculous demands on her behalf. Sometimes actors are completely unaware that their teams make them look bad, and by the time they figure it out, the damage has been done in the press. When Lopez decided to take the judge job on American Idol, I was initially against it. I thought her star-power was too big for the show, and it would ruin her brand. After watching the clip below, I’ve changed my mind. Lopez had to reject a contestant with a heart-breaking back-story, and she didn’t take it well. After the rejection, she cried (you know — the ugly cry where you’re embarrassed for people to look at you) and told Randy Jackson and Stephen Tyler that she felt “she didn’t say it the right way” and she just “didn’t want to say no.” It’s fair to say that I officially like Jennifer Lopez, and I think it was a good choice to judge American Idol. It chisels away her ice-queen reputation (pun intended), and it makes her likable.